The most memorable thing that my mother taught me

I read somewhere that the things your mother says to you growing up later become the voice in your head. If she told you that you are strong, capable, and talented, that is what you believe for the rest of your life. And vice versa. Words stab, calm, and stay.

But some would scoff and say that a mother taking credit for her child’s success is like the cockerel taking credit for the sun rising. To dispel the magic from the myth, and for this year’s Mother’s Day, Lifestyle spoke to a few female leaders to pick away at the scab of memory of their mothers and how they have used their pasts to illuminate the present.

Little by little, they scratched their souls and refracted images of their mothers’ quiet authority and how that steadied them into the leaders they are today.

MARTHA KARUA, Narc-Kenya leader

What leadership lessons did you learn from your mother?

My mother was educated up to Form Two, what was then junior secondary, otherwise known as Standard Eight. She was an untrained teacher and taught up to the time of my birth. I am her second-born, and after having two children, as was customary then, she resigned from her job to become a housewife. Apart from looking after her children, she was running a shop and doing small-scale farming. My dad was a teacher. I learned from my mother the art of multitasking; she was looking after the children, the shop, and the farm. I also learned how to plan my day because she would plan her day and accomplish all her tasks.

From the earliest I can remember, my mother was a community leader, leading the Mother’s Union and other women’s movements. My leadership skills come not only from my mother but also from my father and grandparents.

Both my parents are still alive. My mother may no longer be undertaking community leadership roles because she is now advanced in age and just looking after herself, my dad, and the family, but I learned from the very best.

KUI MBUGUA, General Manager, Uber Eats Kenya

What is your mom’s level of education?

I am so proud of her. She had a Master’s degree and multiple postgraduate diplomas. She did her undergraduate degree when my brother and I were much younger, then did her Master’s in Business Administration.

How much influence did she have on your leadership style?

She is extremely determined. She has taught me there is always a way to solve a problem, whether it means working extra hard or figuring out a way around the obstacles. Her dedication and perseverance have made me a better leader. I always look for the solution, believing it is in my hands.

How did seeing her balance family and career mould you into the leader you are?

She still is, actually. It has shown me that it is possible to balance life and work, that you don’t have to do it alone, and that you should get support as needed. I have learned from her that I need to plan as much as possible. She is extremely meticulous about her household and family. We have never felt like we lacked, and she was very intentional. We had dinner as a family, yet she went to an office and ran multiple businesses. She is a Wonder Woman! I can only hope to be half the woman she has demonstrated herself to be. 

DIANA ORRY SEEM, Ecobank Group, Head of Cards

What level of education did your mom attain?

My mother had me just after she completed high school. She worked at the Postal Corporation of Kenya. Now she is 58  and back to school at Masinde Muliro University. She is about to finish her Bachelor’s degree in conflict resolution and humanitarian assistance, following her diploma in criminology.

What did you learn about leadership from her?

My leadership style is a facsimile of my mum’s. She began her career through sports; she was always the one putting the team together. Put her in any sector, from chamas to corporates, and she will be organising and getting things done. She lives by the mantra that “if I can do it, then I can tell someone else to do it, and they will.”

She got into different business opportunities, running shops, shylocking, etc. She taught me that whatever you set your mind to do, you know what you need to do to get it done. There is no time for procrastination. Get it done, and if it doesn’t work out, you have room to change or lessons to pick.

She was an office mother; how did seeing her balance family and career mould you into the woman you are today?

She was always present in our childhood. I look at how now I go to work early and come back home late, and I think my mom must have performed miracles to ensure that she was there for us daily. We lived in Western while she worked in Kisumu— two different provinces. But she always came back home in the evening to make us dinner. Yes, we had a housekeeper, but she insisted on cooking.

It is quite difficult for women now, especially those of us trying to balance careers and homes. She taught me that if you need support, ask for it. As a woman, she taught me that you cannot just sit and depend on a man to bring everything; that marriage is a partnership. Everyone has to bring something to the table. I also learned from her that as good as you are in your career, you also have to be a good partner at home; cook, wash, clean, and love yourself. She was never shy in advancing her career.

And I have grown without any limitations career-wise, seeing my mom move from one level to another and setting new goals constantly. She has pushed herself beyond her capabilities, despite her circumstances. She has taught me to be nice to people and that I am the only one who can stop myself.

PHYLLIS KEMUNTO WAKIAGA, Tony Blair Institute of Global Change Senior Adviser

What level of education did your mom have?

My mother had a PhD in Psychology from Washington State University, US.

What leadership lessons did you learn from your mother?

I learned that I must lead with emotional intelligence and empathy. As a leader, this enables me to step into the shoes of others, understand what matters to them and what their priorities are, and identify common ground. It also gives me a deeper appreciation of the complex challenges others are working through, so I can build a more supportive environment to bring out the best in the team.

How did seeing her balance family and career mould you into the leader you are?

My mum was a busy working mum until retirement. She did a great job of balancing her family and career with sacrifices made along the way. It shaped me to become the person I am today. I learned a lot: the value of hard work and perseverance. Adaptability when she had to relocate out of the country or town as part of her career path. The importance of having a support system as a career woman, in family and friends. The importance of lifelong learning, the value of self-care and quality time with family amidst the busy schedules of life.

Dr TOSEEF DIN, CEO, MP SHAH Hospital

What leadership lessons did you pick from your mother?

I don’t even know where I would be without my mother. She is a pillar of strength. I learned empathy from her, resilience and integrity. She has always emphasised the significance of treating others with kindness and fairness because my mantra is leadership with humility. My mother was not a working mom but rather a home-maker. Having four girls under her full-time care—my dad was working in the airline industry—she was our mother and father. She had various responsibilities outside the home—ensuring our bills were paid, attending our parent-teacher meetings, driving us to and from school... Seeing her balance these commitments with responsibilities taught me the value of time management—that you can do it all when you are really committed.

All four of us girls have the best education and we are adaptable. It instilled the belief that you can excel in multiple areas of life when you are still connected with your family—the importance of work-life balance and understanding the diverse needs of those we lead. Parenting is a journey and a unique experience. The best gift she has given me is education— everything can go but knowledge cannot go. Happy Mother’s Day! 

ESTHER OKENYURI, Nominated Senator 

What is the most important lesson learned from your mother?

The First US President George Washington once said, “My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I attribute my success to the moral, intellectual, and physical education I received from her.”

This very much resonates with how I think of my mother, Lydia Munema. She has shaped me into the person and leader I am today. Our dad passed away early, and mom was left with five of us—three girls and two boys— to look after.

How did seeing her juggle many balls in the air shape you into the leader you are?

You just need to look at how we have turned out to see the strength of this woman and appreciate the lessons she imparted on the importance of community, relationships and discipline. She had a huge influence on my political journey. I have learned resilience, humility and hard work from her. Humility has always informed how my mother interacted with others and this is a lesson I hold very dear as a leader.

RISPER ALARO, Group Finance Director, Centum

What level of education did your mom have?

She has a Master’s degree to complement her psychology undergraduate degree.

How did your mother help you better understand how to approach leadership?

Her mantra, in the vernacular, was “Chaka Chaka,” which means the things that are really hard to do; once you start, God orders your steps, and things fall into place. I did my Master’s degree, ACCAs, and CPAs, thanks to her encouragement. At one point, she and I were at the university at the same time.

When we lost my father, she didn’t hide from the pain; she was open about her struggles and was not afraid to ask for help when she needed it. Her influence was in terms of hard work and focus. I watched her change careers from nursing to counselling psychology. This allowed me to put fear aside.

Around 2017, I felt like I needed a career break, and I was rather fearful about making the decision. It took me one and a half years to decide to take a sabbatical from work to spend more time with my children—one of the toughest decisions I have ever made—but it allowed me to serve on boards and pursue my passion, which is coaching.

What is the one key thing you picked from her?

I grew up in a home that was gender invisible; there was never a distinction between the boys [I have four brothers] and me. Her expectations were the same for everyone, even when it came to chores.