Chapter Text
October 20, 2024
It’d been four years since the last of his birthdays they’d celebrated together.
He was gone three months after that; lost in a signature, fiery explosion that mirrored the way they’d lost his first wife, five years before.
Almost four years of grief and pain; firsts that he missed and weddings and grandchildren and children; promotions and graduations and all of the milestones he should’ve been there for but wasn’t.
The ache hadn’t gone away; the emptiness her soul felt every morning she woke up beside a man who was so, so good, but just not him. The agony of memories that the three sets of crystal blues eyes and a young man that looked and acted just like him triggered; the way that Noah laughed like him and Eli could be so, so serious and stoic like him; the way their twins, who never got to meet their dad, had his massive heart and his hilarious sense of humor and his infuriating temper.
It made bile rise in her throat if she thought about it too long.
She’d wanted to lay down and die after it happened; she’d just arrived to the precinct, high on the fact that she was finally pregnant- their trying and patience and treatments having paid off. They had a standing Wednesday lunch date, and she’d planned to tell him in person during it later that day.
And then her Chief walked in, flanked by Ed Tucker and Ayanna Bell, and she knew deep down that lunch would never happen again; that she’d never get to tell him, and that the massive hug he wrapped her in in the early hours of the morning before he left for the stakeout that took him would be their last.
The irrational side of her wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out, but Olivia Benson was nothing if not rational; she had two new lives depending on her, two at home that would have to learn to navigate a world without their father, and four older, bonus children that were about to experience the loss of a second parent in just five years.
So she let for herself breakdown in her friend’s arms, and then did what she did best: she survived.
She planned a funeral and eulogized her best friend and husband; she went to hours of grief counseling with her young sons and her older kids; she gave birth to identical twin boys with Amanda on one side of her and Kathleen the other, and put her head down and raised them, along with their big brothers, to be the little men their father would be proud of.
She kept his memory alive; for their boys and for their girls; for his sweet mother who lived in the apartment down the hall from them with Kathleen; for his grandchildren and for their friends.
She worked tirelessly to bring down the Wheatley crime syndicate that had taken so much from her and her kids; ending with an impending bust on the entire syndicate that morning- his 57th birthday.
Tirelessly was an understatement; she’d worked herself half to death during her pregnancy, until Tucker showed up and talked some desperately needed sense into her and became the shoulder she could cry on.
The twins were 18 months old before she let him take her to drinks and fuck her in a swanky hotel room; another year before he was allowed to come around the kids and family, and he’d only stayed the night for the first time on the boy’s third birthday when they begged him to.
He slept over most nights now, despite knowing that she’d never be able to fully commit herself to him; that he was a warm body and a listening ear and an arm to wrap around her while they watched TV.
He knew, deep down, that she didn’t love him the way he loved her, but he loved her in spite of it, and was a mentor and father figure to Eli and Noah, and “Eddie” to Finn Elliot and John “Jack” Joseph.
Her life wasn’t what it was, and it wasn’t what she’d pictured it to be, but 363 days a year, when she forced herself to forget her grief, she felt it could be perfect.
363, because there were just two days a year in which she allowed herself to fall; slip into that grief for an hour and just let herself be broken and acknowledge the Elliot sized hole his death had left her: once on his birthday, and once on the anniversary of the worst day or her life.
Forcing her eyes opened, she zeroed her hearing in on the chatter in her kitchen.
The big brothers were still asleep, but the littles had woken Eddie up and dragged him out to make “daddy bekfast,” tiny voices bringing a hint of a smile to her face
Blindly reaching for her phone, she grabbed it and squinted at message from the FBI contact she’d worked so closely with since his death.
Aaron Gardner
Threat has been neutralized. He went down guns blazing. We have a picture of the body for evidence, or you can come down to the morgue.
Olivia Benson Stabler
Morgue. Be there in 30. Rest of the org?
Aaron Gardner
Give me 2 hours and I’ll have them lined up on ice for you.
Olivia Benson Stabler
See you then.
Setting her phone down, she exhaled a small sigh as tears rushed to her eyes, and whispered aloud.
“Happy Birthday, baby.”
“Mommy!!” Jack grinned, rushing over to hug her legs when she finally emerged from her bedroom, dressed in modest jeans and a long sleeve, cotton Henley that once belonged to her husband
“Good morning,” she smiled, scooping him up and holding out a hand to Finn, the more mellow of the two, who broke out into a smile and joined his brother in his mom’s arms.
“We make dadee bekfast,” Jack explained.
“Everyone is on their way over,” Ed supplied, nodding to the mound of pancakes and bacon and walking over to press a long kiss to her temple.
Her eyes welled up, and she leaned into his touch.
“Perfect,” she nodded. “Boys, how about you go wake up your brothers okay? And then pick out what shirts you wanna wear today!”
“‘Tay mama,” Jack smiled, sliding down her body with his brother and grabbing his hand before disappearing down the hall.
“Morning,” Ed said, his voice a low grumble as he slipped a hand around the small of her back.
“They got him,” she whispered, leaning into his chest.
“I heard…. How do you feel?”
“I wanna see him before I let myself feel anything.”
“They have pictures.”
“I wanna see his body. Gardner has him on ice, I’m going down now. Then I’ll come back and we’ll head to lunch at the gravesite… or I’ll meet you there, I’m not sure yet. I wanna see him before I tell the kids.”
“I’ll hold down the fort here,” he promised, smiling softly when she wrapped her arms tightly around his middle and buried her face in his chest.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Sure you do,” he swore, kissing the top of her head.
“I owe you more than I can ever repay you, Ed. You’ve done so much for me and the kids… been so patient, I…”
“You owe me nothing. I do it because I love you… all of you.”
The double entendre wasn’t lost on her, and she pulled back to look up at him, her big brown eyes shimmering.
“Even if I can’t give you everything you want?”
Her voice was small, and he leaned down to peck her nose.
“Told you before, tell you again… I’ll take you in anyway I can have you, and I love you.”
“I love you,” she nodded, pulling back when the front door opened and Bernie and Kathleen shuffled in.
“Morning,” Katie said cheerfully, giving them a discrete look from behind her grandmother, indicating a bad day.
“Morning mama,” Liv smiled, walking over and kissing the side of her cheek.
“Where’s Elliot?” She asked, looking around nervously. “It’s his birthday.”
“Mama, let’s have a seat,” Liv suggested softly, leading her to her spot on the couch where she could see Elliot’s memorial shadow box.
She sat, her eyes frantically scanning the room for him before she finally noticed it.
“Oh,” she whispered, putting her hand to her mouth. “Oh that’s… oh, Olivia…”
“It’s okay,” Liv promised, hugging her. “Sometimes I wake up and think he’s still here, too.”
“He should’ve never taken that undercover,” Bernie whispered into her shoulder, the memories flooding her like a tsunami.
“No… he shouldn’t’ve,” Liv whispered.
Thunderous footsteps filled the room as the twins came sprinting from deep in the apartment.
“Gamma Bee!” Finn smiled, climbing up beside her and hugging her tightly.
“Hi Bee!” Jack echoed, gently pushing Liv. “‘Cuse me mama,” he said sweetly, waiting until she moved so he could climb up beside her.
“Hi boys,” she smiled.
“It’s dadee’s birfday,” Jack said cheerfully.
“I know that!” Bernie smiled, her eyes watery. “It smells wonderful here, did you make breakfast?!”
“Eddie hewped,” Finn explained, smiling over the back of the couch at Ed.
“Well I can’t wait to see what there is to eat!”
“Am I chopped liver?” Kathleen huffed playfully from the other side of the living room.
The boys broke out into giggles, jumping down from the couch and skipping their way into her arms.
“Hi,” they said together before breaking out into another fit of giggles at their synchronization.
“Morning,” a deep voice came from down the hallway as Eli shuffled out.
If Olivia had been the rock that grounded their family after Elliot’s death, Eli was the glue that held them together when they fractured.
The almost 17 year old was barely 13 when Elliot died, and just 8 when they’d lost Kathy.
Olivia’s baby more than he ever was his own mother’s, he embraced his dad’s relationship with his partner, and relished in his new family life once the big kids had given their blessing to the couple.
The pair were married in a small, intimate ceremony in 2018 with their kids, close friends, and the newly named Noah Porter Benson-Stabler.
Kathy and Elliot had been separated at the time of her death, pending a final divorce, and he and Olivia had been quietly seeing one another for a year when the explosion that took her life happened.
She’d almost made it out alive, but died on the operating table after her spleen burst. While they’d recovered her body and give her children a chance to say goodbye, Elliot’s had been reduced to ashes- the only thing surviving the blast was his wedding ring, which Olivia wore on her index finger.
Eli had been ecstatic to have a mom who cared so much about him and to finally and officially be a big brother, a role he took to heart after the death of his father.
They’d been “an unofficial family” as he liked to say, for six years before his father’s death, and “officially official” for two before everything changed.
He idolized his father, and was the last to accept Tucker into their tribe, but finally did so with open arms.
“Morning mama,” he said, walking over to hug her tightly after giving Ed a quick pat on the back.
“Morning babe,” she whispered, hugging his middle.
“You ok?” He asked softly.
“I’ll be fine,” she promised, kissing his cheek when he leaned down to her.
The once tiny baby who she held in her arms for the first time at the scene of an accident now towered over her.
“You gotta go somewhere?” He asked, looking down at her semi put-together appearance and rubbing gently at sleeve’s hem on his dad’s old shirt.
“Yeah… just for an hour or so and then I’ll be back. Just wanna see your brother first.”
“Everything ok?” He frowned, his brows furrowing just like his dad’s.
“Everything is fine,” she promised, patting his chest and shooting him a look to “shut up.”
He nodded slowly and turned when Noah finally made his presence known with a dramatic yawn. On the cusp of turning 10, Noah had the hardest time out of all of the kids.
Olivia and Elliot had still been partners when they’d discovered him on a case in 2014. The 6-week-old had been left alone in this world, and Olivia jumped at the chance for motherhood.
Elliot credited Noah’s entrance into their lives as the final reason to walk away from Kathy and into Olivia’s arms, and make his play for majority custody of Eli. She died a year later, negating the need for any lengthy court battles.
They’d began their relationship just a month after she brought Noah home, and he’d left SVU two months after that when they’d disclosed to Cragen.
His new home at OCCB ultimately led to both Kathy and his own demise, and while she was thankful for the light it brought to his eyes, she’d regretted giving him that assignment as an option every day of her life.
While the older children had experienced the loss of their mother, and Elliot’s death had opened a still well-healing wound, Noah’s was fresh and deep and festered.
It took Dickie stepping into a true big brother roll for him to stop acting out, and Ed coming around for him to finally feel ok with Olivia leaving him for more than one night at a time.
He was fiercely protective of his baby brothers, and thought he was getting older and put on a brave face more than when he was younger, he still cried himself to sleep more often than not.
“Morning my sweet boy,” she smiled, wrapping him in a massive hug.
“Morning mom,” came his muffled response as he held onto her for dear life.
“Sleep ok?”
He shrugged, looking up at her with blue eyes that made her wonder if Elliot truly was his biological father, a running joke the pair had when he was alive.
“You okay to come with us today?” She asked him softly.
“I’ll be okay mom,” he promised. “Ed is coming?”
“He’ll be there, baby,” she nodded, motioning for him to join them.
Like many, the death of Elliot Stabler had changed Ed Tucker.
Gone was the hardened cop of old; the one that arrested her and made her then-partner’s life a living hell on a regular basis. No, Ed Tucker watched the strong badass woman he’d secretly pined over for 15 years, collapse into herself when Chief Dodds and Sergeant Bell broke the news to her that her husband was gone, and the ice and hardness around his heart collapsed too.
Ed made his way over to the pair, settling a large hand atop of Noah’s curls.
“Y’alright this morning, bud?”
Noah shrugged, leaning into him and melting into his embrace.
“I need to run out,” Liv said, looking up to everyone. “I should be back by the time we have to leave for lunch, but if not I’ll meet you guys there,” she promised, pecking Ed’s lips and kissing all of her boy’s head’s before waving to Bernie and hugging Kate.
“Good news or bad news?” Katie asked softly once Liv was out the door.
“Good, I think,” he nodded. “You know her, though, has to see it to believe it.”
“Richard Wheatley on a silver platter… well, table,” Melinda said, once the curtain opened. “And his top five goons.”
“You told me you’d give me this when we lost him,” Liv whispered, her eyes locked on the man who’d taken everything from her.
“I keep my promises,” Melinda said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Even had his dental records pulled and matched with this body, just to be sure.”
“You gonna autopsy him?”
“Well… no,” Melinda said carefully. “Cut and dry gunshot wounds but… I can?”
Liv looked at her old friend, her brown eyes cold, and nodded.
“I want to watch.”
“Sorry I’m late,” Liv called, coming up the hill at the cemetery with Elliot’s signature bottle of bourbon in her right hand and an updated family photo for his headstone in her left.
“All good,” Dickie smiled, turning with Finn in his arms. “All good?”
“All is very good, guys come on around,” she called, looking lighter than she had in years.
They took note of her demeanor and nodded, gathering in a circle.
“Richard Wheatley is dead,” she announced.
There was a collective gasp, and Dickie’s eyes went wide.
“No way?”
Their boy had followed in his father’s footsteps and was now a junior detective in his step-mother’s precinct.
“Way,” she nodded. “The FBI, in conjunction with several other federal and international agencies, executed raids on his houses this morning, taking down 30 high-profile associates and the man himself, and arresting another 40.”
“And you saw him?” Kathleen gulped with a whisper, the memories of the first time Richard Wheatley had “died” flooding back to her and her siblings.
“Noah,” Liv said gently. “Take the twins over to see daddy?”
He nodded, not being one for gory details anyways, and did as he was asked.
“I saw him and some of his big names on the tables in the morgue,” she confirmed. “Melinda matched the dental records in front of me, and then…”
She trailed off, hesitating.
“Mom just tell us,” Eli pushed.
Looking to each kid for confirmation, she nodded.
“And then she performed an autopsy in front of me.”
The kids collapsed in on her in a crushing hug as silent sobs began to wrack them all.
“It’s over,” she announced, once they’d all calmed down. “It’s over.”
“To dad,” Dickie said, holding up his beer.
“To dad,” she agreed with a warm smile.
They were an hour into their traditional picnic of Chinese food and beer when her phone rang.
“Jeez,” she sighed, seeing Agent Gardner’s name flash across her screen.
“Aaron, what’s up?” She asked, stepping away from her family.
“Olivia, this isn’t anything bad,” he promised. “But I need you down at the House now.”
“What? Why? Aaron, you know we do this picnic every year. Can’t whatever it is wait until tomorrow?”
“Afraid not,” he sighed, sounding nervous. “Need you here as soon as possible. I have a car en route.”
“Tell me what’s going on right now,” she demanded, her voice a hushed but harsh whisper.
“I’m in the car that’s coming. Please, Liv,” he said sincerely.
“Ridiculous,” she spat when she saw the police SVU round the corner.
Stabbing the red “end call” button, she composed herself before turning and marching back to her family.
“Guys, I’m so sorry but I have to run for a minute.”
She was visibly distressed, the sparse relief she felt disappearing and the chaos in her mind returning.
“Take your time,” Eli promised, and Ed nodded.
“We’ll be here or at home when you’re done. Just let me know and I’ll come get you.”
“Thank you,” she nodded, forcing away tears and blowing kisses to everyone before stomping down to the waiting car.
“This fucking better be good, Aaron,” she snapped when they got off the elevator of the 1-6.
He’d refused to tell her anything on the drive, which had only fired her up more.
“Can we just go to your office?” He asked hesitantly.
“Where the fuck is my squad,” she growled, her captain’s voice and demeanor showing despite her casual attire. Her floor was empty, which infuriated her more.
“They’re… downstairs, please,” he asked, motioning to her office where she took off to.
Three men stood from her sleek leather couch, one who she recognized as Aaron’s boss and two who she didn’t recognize at all.
“Hi,” she said, anger dissipating and exhaustion taking over as she looked at the senior in the room. “Tim, this better be good, I’ve already spent too much time away from my kids today.”
“It is,” he promised, swallowing hard. “Captain Benson this is Agent Tom Callahan with the U.S. Marshalls service, and one of his handlers, Special Agent Brian Green.”
“Okay? Why are the Marshalls here? Wheatley is dead, I personally watched his autopsy.”
“That’s right,” Callahan said carefully. “No one related to the Wheatley case needs protection any longer. We’re in the process of releasing all the witnesses and well… one of them in a little impatient.”
Olivia’s eyes darted to Green’s, who own eyes were admiring a photo on her wall of Elliot and Olivia on their wedding day.
Realization and nausea washed over her as she looked back to Callahan, and then Tim, before turning to Aaron.
“I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know,” he whispered, his own eyes heavy with emotion.
“Captain do you need to sit?” Tim asked softly.
“No!” She snapped. “Tell me what the hell is going on right now.”
“The FBI had intel on a threat on Elliot Stabler’s life. They got to him and pulled him to safety before the bomb ever went off,” Callahan said matter-of-factly. “The intel included a contingency plan: kill Stabler, or, if he survived, kill his family. There was no other choice- for your safety and the safety of your children, or his.”
Olivia was silent for what felt like an eternity, processing his words before finally speaking in a low and broken voice.
“Are you… are you telling me my husband has been in WitSec for the last four years?”
“Yes ma’am,” Green said, stepping forward. “I’ve been his handler for the entire time. It’s been… he’s stubborn.”
“Yeah,” Liv laughed humorlessly.
“He worked the case the entire time, too,” Tim added. “From a ranch in Montanna. He just knows that you all are ok. Nothing about the twins and no updated pictures or anything. I couldn’t tell you… I’m so sorry, Olivia.”
“Where is he now?” She whispered, her eyes filling with fresh tears at his admittance and apology.
“He should be here any-“
His words were cut off by the soft ding of the elevator on the empty floor, followed by two heavy gates that she knew too well.
“Olivia,” he called, his voice the same as she remembered, but more frantic.
She sucked in a deep breath, her fingers toying with her engagement and wedding band she still wore, and with his that was seated on her right index finger.
He appeared in her doorway just then; his familiar scent and the sight of him overwhelming her senses and making her stumble away from him.
“Olivia… baby, it’s me,” he said again, his voice hoarse and his blue eyes filled with tears.
He was older, but so was she; the spattering of hair he had left when he’d gone now gone, too, and the the facial hair that used to drive her crazy was now thick and unkempt.
“Baby,” he pleaded, stepping towards her slowly, his hands outstretched until they were seated on her waist.
A loud thud was the next thing anyone remembered hearing, as her left fist connected with right eye, the solitaire diamond he’s gotten her years before slicing open a cut at his eye brow on connection.
“Well that went about as well as I expected it to,” Fin said from the doorway.