Sometimes when I am listening to 30 Hours, thoughts regarding my life and what I want to do in the future invade my mind. I fail to stop myself to be inundated by anxiety driven thoughts regarding if im living life to the fullest or not.

I feel as if I am letting fear dictate my limits, and although some are kind enough to argue that this is out of my control and that it is a biological safeguard to stop me from taking risks that would end up killing me, I can’t stop thinking, what if I was limitless? Not regarding my skills, power, strength or intelligence, I am asking what if I didn’t let fear control my decisions and what I see as limitations.

Mewtwo, one of the most powerful Pokemon, once said:

“I see now that the circumstances of one's birth is irrelevent,it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.”

Everytime I read this, is as if someone took off a blinding veil from my eyes that was blocking me from seeing the world as it is. When we go through life, we start seeing which parts of ourselves other people don’t like and which parts they do like, ending up modifying ourselves to cater to their vision, but that cannot be called living truthfully to yourself…

I will be 46 years old this next Monday and I feel as if I have wasted big parts of my life scared to get out of the default path that is prescribed to everyone. I’ve been a trucker early on in my life since my dad was also one, and here on Missouri it’s either this or nothing if you’re not good at studying. I spent most of my life fat, insecure about myself, and overall not being my maximum version.

From today on, I will make a conscious effort to be myself without fear of being judged or limited by any mental crutches I develop to cope with trauma and pain. It will be a difficult task, but a worthwhile one too. Wish me luck skibidi brothers!