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Personal Advice
My boyfriend just went on his mission in February and it’s been a little hard with transition. He wasn't sure about going but decided to go, which I supported and still support him for going. The struggle is he has been telling me that he isn't wanting to be there anymore and is depressed. When he talks to other people he switches and says he is going to stay but will again tell me he wants to come home. I'm at a loss of what to do because I want to continue to support him but I feel like all we talk about is him wanting to come home as if he expecting me to fix it. My plan is to wait until he comes home but these beginnings month has been hard. Any advice would be appreciated!
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What do his parents say? Surely he is telling them the same thing?
From who my understanding he said he has but they also have expected him to always go on the mission
He probably doesn’t want you to fix it, but instead wants your encouragement and for you to know that he misses you. Going from being a high schooler to facing rejection and the world basically on your own (no family) is very mentally and emotionally challenging. I’m sure he is filled with doubt about his decision and struggling to adapt. Pray for him. I also feel strongly that you should reach out to his parents and connect with them while he is away - pray for him together.
Are you talking over the phone or video calls?
On video calls
Yeah he’s violating rules by talking to you. Other than immediate family the rules state they can only communicate by text or email. They can read messages and emails any day but can only respond on P-Days. By not following the rules it’s going to be very difficult to feel the Spirit and want to be there. He may even feel the loss of the Spirit more while actively violating the rules with you.
Any missionary will tell you the first 6 months are the hardest. A mission isn’t easy but if they immerse themselves in the work and follow the rules, the Spirit gets them through it.
My suggestion to support him best is to not facilitate him breaking the rules. Tell him that you’ll miss talking but it’s against the rules and don’t want to be the reason he’s breaking them. Not to mention, if the mission home finds out he can lose his phone privileges (my son did for a couple months).
Lastly, I know a missionary that was sneakily talking to his girlfriend just last year and would get so depressed about being on a mission while talking to her. They continued to talk so much about missing her. The family knew nothing about it but ultimately he came home around 7 months into his mission. They got engaged within 2 weeks of him being home and he’s getting no support from his family for it.
I know having him gone is hard but if I were you I’d put the brakes on talking with him and only send uplifting emails. If he says how he wants to come home just encourage him to talk with his mission president and don’t try to fix anything.