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My boyfriend of 9 months purchased a home and said he bought it with “me” in mind as we have talked about a future and wanting to have a family. We have had many serious talks about our relationship and we’ve both met each other’s families. He previously lived in a home for several years and has always thought about changing his living situation and also wasn’t sure if he even wanted to stay to live in the same city. To my surprise, he went to see a house without me knowing and put in an offer. Long story short his offer was accepted and he’s made comments about how he thought about this house for us eventually. I’m not sure how to feel about it, I’m really happy that he got a house he really likes and at the price he got it for. But I feel we’re not there yet to move in with each other. Also, in no way did I have a say in the decision of this house or the location so I don’t think him to say he got the house with “me” in mind is fair. He hasn’t considered the commute for me to travel to work or anything that would be considered specifically to actually having me in mind. He bought this home one block away from his previous house as he will be renting out that home now, so this home by default is a great location for him overall. I’m not sure how to feel about his comments and his expectations with me and the house.
Additionally, I am a student and the closing of his house happened to be the very busiest week of exams and assignments I had due. We had conversations about how I could not help him move and there seemed to be an understanding, that week consisted of working on a presentation, studying for an exam and working on a paper. Any other free time I had I invested in self care such as working out or doing yoga. However, on one of those days I posted a selfie where I was proud to have accomplished so much in the morning before going into work and he got extremely upset about this. He went on to say I didn’t care to help him move and that I didn’t want to help him move essentially and made a huge deal about it as he bought this house with “me” in mind. What do you think of this?
Edit to give more context:
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The house was bought entirely with his money. I have zero financial contribution to this.
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We never talked about a specific time frame when I would move in. It was a discussion about how it’s something we both would want eventually
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We did talk about how I would contribute when that time comes, in which I mentioned expenses such as hydro, utilities, internet etc..I also made it clear that in no way was I expecting a free ride and not to contribute anything. That’s just not my character.
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The selfie that was posted was a close up shot of my face with sunglasses on and enjoying my coffee! I had made a list of accomplishments of tasks I did that day and wrote it in this picture: “meal prep ✅, work out ✅, coffee ✅, sunshine ✅… great way starting my day so far!”
UPDATE: We broke up! Read the next thread
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Idk if I can share it in the comments but OOP's ex-bf posted his side of the story with more details that OOP left out in her posts. I'll probably post it as separate though.
Edit: I've shared OOP's ex-bf's side of the story here
As is the norm on Reddit, the other side provides a completely different — and more nuanced — side of the story.
Ya you almost have to just assume there’s some messed up stuff op did they left out
This shit goes so deep. The back and forth goes crazy. Her update with her response to his post: Her update
Redditors give some horrible advice. I don’t see anything alarming about a guy in his late 30s telling his mid 30s girlfriend of 9 months that he bought his new house with their future in mind. He didn’t even suggest that she move in. It was just kinda a vague I could see us together in the future thing.
Edit: after reading the boyfriend’s account both of these people sound insufferable.
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The title of the OOP is also very misleading.
The title makes it sound like OOP’s bf pulled some Jim Halpert shit. But all the guy did was say “maybe”.
It wouldn’t be the first time a bunch of people on Reddit reacted to a post’s title and didn’t bother reading the text.
Having reading both; glad they broke up because I am not sure which one I would have told to run; because neither seem mature enough to be in a relationship. But if girlfriend hasn’t said I love you yet; please don’t talk about buying a house for your future.
I read both side as well and… the resentment he had for lending her money that he admitted later that she paid back (so why was it an issue? I’m confused by that) and in her for him buying a house period… I’m unsure if he got her input in a ‘hey I want to buy a house and am curious about your input’ kind of way or more as a ‘look at the house I’m trying to buy!’ Kind of way. I get that buying a house WITH her would have been early, and that the price made sense to buy it if it was something he wanted already. But it sounds like he wanted to settle there and didn’t actually ask if that was her plan. And she didn’t state anything about her plans… also, why did he make fun of her wanting an office space? Nurses can do other things than work in a hospital.
And he admitted spending most of her nights there. So if she was around all time, she wanted/needed a place to work. Even if it would be her office (until she officially moved in); he could have easily set up office space
Right? To call it a baby room when there were no babies on the horizon is crazy to me
And then if the "shoe room? I have 25 boxes in a closet" is accurate....then that is actually a 3rd room she could have as an office?? While maintaining the second "guest" room for hypothetical babies?? The math ain't mathing, unless he means bedroom, guest room, hypothetical baby room, in which case 2 of those 3 rooms are basically empty for the foreseeable future??? Make it make sense???
I am glad they broke up because they weren’t right for each other. They both had different expectations. I also never get the ‘get married within a year’ type of relationship. Do you really know somebody in year? Or the wanting kids right away. Their relationship wasn’t great in the first place. Stop rushing!
I would run.
As a woman. I say boy should sprint, far, far away!
Am I missing something but isn’t this the story line in an episode of The Office whereby Jim buys his parents home without asking Pam.