Hey there! I’m sure we’ve all had those days where we just don’t feel good about ourselves for whatever reason. Maybe we didn’t hit a goal we set, said something embarrassing, or just felt off. I used to really struggle with self-love and confidence, but over time I’ve learned little tips and tricks that have made a huge difference in how I feel about myself each day.
In this guide, I want to share the step-by-step process I use to show myself some love, feel confident, and get into a positive mindset—even on tough days. These are small, actionable steps anyone can take to transform their mindset and start feeling better immediately. I know it can be hard, but with some practice, you’ll be loving yourself and feeling like a rock star in no time!
Table of Contents
Define What Real Confidence Means
To me, real confidence means loving yourself for who you are- flaws and all. It’s about embracing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses with compassion for yourself.
Focus on Your Strengths. Rather than dwelling on what you perceive as flaws or imperfections, make a list of your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Be specific and celebrate what makes you uniquely you. For me, I know I’m a good listener, I have a creative mind, and I’m persistent in pursuing my goals. When I feel self-doubt creeping in, I remind myself of these strengths.
Accept Yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself as you are instead of some unrealistic ideal. No one is perfect, so cut yourself some slack! I’ve come to accept that I never be a size two, that I can be stubborn at times, and that I’m not always the most patient person. But that’s okay – I don’t need to be a supermodel or a saint to be worthy of love and belonging.
Practice Self-Compassion. Be gentle with yourself and avoid harsh self-criticism. Talk to yourself with the same kindness and empathy you’d show a close friend. When you make a mistake, forgive yourself and use it as an opportunity to learn. Choose to be motivated by self-care rather than self-judgment. Loving yourself isn’t always easy, but you deserve to feel confident in who you are. Focus on your strengths, accept yourself as you are, and be compassionate with yourself. That, to me, is the essence of real confidence.
How to Love Yourself and be Confident
Loving yourself and building confidence are essential for personal growth and well-being. Embrace self-love by recognizing your unique beauty and worthiness. Define what makes you worthy, set goals, and visualize your ideal self. Monitor your thoughts, challenge negative self-talk, and replace it with positive affirmations. Avoid comparing yourself to others and focus on your progress. Treat yourself kindly and cultivate curiosity about your interests. Surround yourself with positivity and remember that confidence comes from within.
1. Identify Core Beliefs Impacting Self-Worth
One of the biggest roadblocks to loving yourself is confronting negative beliefs you hold about your self-worth. These beliefs, formed in childhood, can have a devastating impact on confidence and self-esteem. For me, it was accepting that I didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love.
Challenge messages from your past. Think back to the hurtful messages you received as a child about your abilities, appearance, or personality. For example, perhaps you were told you weren’t smart enough or your interests were stupid. Recognize that these were unjustified and untrue. You are so much more than those labels. Make a list of the negative beliefs holding you back and reframe them with messages of self-love and acceptance.
Focus on your strengths. It’s easy to dwell on perceived weaknesses and flaws. But each of us has unique talents, skills, and positive qualities. Identify things you are good at and the character traits you like about yourself. Maybe you have a way with words, play an instrument well, or are great with animals. Focus on developing and celebrating these strengths.
Practice Self-Compassion. Learn to be gentle with yourself. Avoid harsh self-criticism and instead show yourself the same compassion you would a friend. Speak to yourself with encouragement and praise. Forgive yourself for any mistakes and imperfections. You’re doing the best you can, and you deserve to be happy.
Challenging negative beliefs, recognizing your strengths, and being self-compassionate are simple yet powerful ways to improve your self-worth and confidence from the inside out. With practice and patience, you can overcome past messages, gain a healthier perspective of yourself, and learn to fully accept and love who you are.
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2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk With Positivity
I used to be my own worst critic. My inner voice was constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough, smart enough or pretty enough. Over time, this negative self-talk really took a toll on my confidence and self-esteem.
The first step I took to build myself back up was to start paying attention to those negative thoughts and to challenge them. When I found myself thinking something like, “I’ll never be as successful as [friend]” or “I always mess everything up,” I would stop and ask myself – is that really true? Often, the answer was no. I realized these were exaggerated thoughts that didn’t reflect reality.
Once I was aware of the negative self-talk, I made an effort to reframe those thoughts in a more positive and realistic way. If I caught myself thinking, “I’m so stupid,” I would replace it with something kinder like, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t mean I’m stupid. Everyone makes mistakes.” Over time, the positive thoughts became more automatic.
I also started practicing self-care and being kind to myself. When I exercised, ate healthy and got enough sleep, my mood and confidence improved. Doing small things each day that I enjoyed made me appreciate myself more. Complimenting myself in the mirror or writing down things I liked about myself helped shift my inner voice to a more encouraging one.
The battle against negative self-talk is ongoing, but with practice, the positive voice inside my head has gotten much louder. I feel so much happier and more confident now that I’m not constantly tearing myself down. If you struggle with negative thoughts about yourself, start paying attention to them and talk back with compassion. You deserve to treat yourself with kindness. With time and effort, you can drown out your inner critic.
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3. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Taking good care of yourself physically goes a long way toward building confidence from the inside out. When I’m eating right, staying active, and practicing self-care, I feel energized and ready to take on the world.
Eat a healthy, balanced diet. What you put into your body has a direct impact on how you feel. Focus on lean proteins, whole grains, fruits and vegetables. Limit processed foods, sugar, and unhealthy fats. A balanced diet provides the fuel you need to be active and energized. I aim for three nutritious meals per day plus one or two small snacks. Staying properly fed and hydrated keeps my mood stable and prevents energy crashes.
Get plenty of exercise. Exercise releases feel-good hormones called endorphins, that boost your mood and confidence. Aim for at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise most days of the week. I like to walk, jog, do yoga, and strength train with weights. Any activity that gets your heart pumping and blood flowing will work. Start small and build up your endurance over time. Regular exercise has so many benefits for both the body and mind.
Practice self-care. Make time each day to unwind and de-stress. Little acts of self-care like a warm bath, reading a book, meditating or journaling can help shift your mindset and mood. Getting enough sleep every night is also essential for health, mood, and confidence. Most adults need 7-9 hours of sleep per night to feel well-rested. I try to establish a calming bedtime routine to wind down for the day. Self-care helps me maintain balance and stay grounded.
Taking care of my physical health and well-being makes me feel good about myself. When I feel good physically, I’m able to show up as my best self and approach each day with confidence. Loving yourself starts from within, so make your health and self-care a top priority each and every day.
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4. Engage in Meaningful Activities
One of the best ways I’ve found to build confidence from within is by engaging in activities that I find meaningful and fulfilling. When I pursue hobbies, projects, or volunteer work that align with my values and passions, I feel happier and more confident.
Do things you’re good at. Focus on activities you have a natural talent or skill for. When I engage in things I’m good at, like writing, gardening or cooking, I feel a sense of competence and mastery. This boosts my self-confidence and self-esteem. Make time each week to do something you excel in or are skilled at.
Learn a new skill. Challenge yourself to learn something new. Set small, achievable goals and milestones to gain proficiency. As I achieve each milestone, I feel proud of my progress and growth. Last year, I started learning Spanish through an app. Each lesson I completed gave me more confidence in my ability to pick up a new skill. Look for opportunities to step outside your comfort zone in a manageable way.
Help others. Volunteering my time for a good cause never fails to make me feel better about myself. When I can make a positive difference in someone else’s life, it gives me a sense of purpose and impact. See if you can volunteer at an animal shelter, food bank, or another organization in your area that you care about Helping others gets your mind off your worries and boosts your self-worth.
Engaging in meaningful activities, pursuing your interests, learning new skills, and volunteering your time are all excellent ways to build your confidence from within. Make the time for these self-esteem-boosting pursuits, and you’ll develop a healthier, more positive relationship with yourself.
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5. Silence Your Inner Critic
Do you ever find yourself flooded with self-doubts and negative thoughts? I know I do. My inner critic can be loud and obnoxious at times, constantly judging my actions and picking apart my flaws. Over the years, I’ve learned some techniques to help silence that voice and overcome negative thoughts. One of the most effective strategies is to challenge those negative thoughts with more balanced and realistic thinking. When my inner critic says something like, “You’ll never be good enough,” I counter that with, “I’m doing my best and making progress.” Look for evidence that contradicts your negative thoughts and replace them with more constructive ones.
It also helps to limit negative self-talk and be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself with the same compassion you would show a close friend. Notice negative thoughts as they arise and reframe them into more positive ones. Say things like, “I’m learning and growing,” instead of “I always mess up.” Be gentle with your perceived flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has them, so cut yourself some slack.
When your inner critic gets loud, take a few deep breaths and bring your focus to the present moment. Meditation and mindfulness practices like yoga or Tai Chi are great for developing awareness and inner calm. Spending time in nature can also help shift your mind from negative reflection to a state of inner peace.
Remember, confidence comes from within. Focus on your strengths, values, and the qualities that make you uniquely you. Learn to fully accept yourself as you are instead of chasing some unrealistic ideal of perfection. With practice, the voice of your inner critic will fade into the background and be replaced with self-compassion and inner strength. You’ve got this!
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6. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
Lean on those who love you. The people in your life have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself. Make sure to spend time with friends and family who appreciate you for who you are and support your goals. When I’m struggling with self-doubt or confidence issues, talking to my best friend always helps me work through it. She reminds me of my strengths and accomplishments, and helps me maintain a balanced perspective.
Limit time with negative influences. While it’s not always possible to avoid negative people completely, limit the time you spend with those who constantly criticize you or make you feel bad about yourself. Their negativity can be draining and damaging to your self-esteem. If possible, spend less time engaging with them in person and on social media. You don’t need that kind of influence in your life.
Find community support. Look for local support groups, meetups or online communities centered around your interests or goals. Connecting with like-minded people is a great way to build confidence in a low-pressure environment. For example, a few months ago, I joined a local hiking group to motivate me to get outside more often. Not only have I made new friends, but pushing myself to do challenging hikes each week has been a huge confidence boost.
The people you allow into your life have a significant impact on how you view yourself. Surround yourself with a strong support system of people who appreciate you for who you are and want the best for you. Their positivity and encouragement can help build your confidence and motivation to become the person you want to be. Make the choice each day to limit negative influences as much as possible; your self-worth depends on it.
7. Let Go of Toxic Relationships and Habits
The first step to loving yourself is removing anything toxic from your life. For me, this meant ending a long-term relationship that had become unhealthy and reevaluating some harmful habits I had developed.
Ending my relationship was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it allowed me to break free from the hurtful cycle we were stuck in. I realized the constant criticism and lack of support were damaging my self-esteem. Don’t be afraid to remove people from your life who make you feel bad about yourself or prevent you from following your dreams. You deserve to surround yourself with those who appreciate you for who you are.
I also took a hard look at my daily habits and made an effort to end any that were destructive or time- wasting. For example, I quit smoking, limited alcohol and sugary foods, and reduced my screen time in the evenings. In place of these things, I started exercising, eating healthier and pursuing hobbies that brought me joy like cooking and photography. Making these positive changes in my routine gave me a sense of control over my life and improved my physical and mental wellbeing.
Ending harmful relationships and habits is difficult, but choosing to eliminate toxicity from your life is a courageous act of self-love. Make this a priority and you’ll find your confidence and happiness start to blossom as a result. Don’t dwell on the past or worry what others might think. Focus on becoming the healthiest, most authentic version of yourself. That is the greatest gift you can give to both yourself and those around you.
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8. Embrace Self-Love and Accept Yourself Unconditionally
Loving yourself is a journey that takes time and practice. For me, it started with accepting myself as I am—imperfections and all. I had to understand that I’m a work in progress and learn to appreciate myself for who I am right now, flaws included.
One of the first things I did was look in the mirror each day and say “I accept you.” At first, it felt silly and awkward. But over time, it became a meaningful daily ritual. I also stopped criticizing my reflection and focused on the qualities I like. Doing this helped me become more comfortable in my own skin.
Another step was learning to tune out negative self-talk. That critical voice in my head was holding me back, so I made an effort to challenge those thoughts and replace them with more constructive ones. Instead of “I’m so stupid,” I’d tell myself, “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t define me.” Over time, the positive thoughts became more natural.
I also practice daily gratitude for who I am—my talents, my sense of humor, and my thoughtfulness. Appreciating your good qualities, both big and small, makes it easier to love yourself unconditionally.
One of the biggest lessons for me was accepting that I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love- especially self-love. No one is flawless, so why should I hold myself to an impossible standard? Learning to love myself as I am, flaws and all, has given me a confidence from within that no one can take away.
Loving yourself unconditionally is a gift you give yourself each and every day. While the journey can be challenging, the rewards of self-acceptance and inner peace make it worthwhile. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin and appreciate yourself for the wonderful, complex, imperfect person you are.
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9. Practice Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness
Practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness are essential components of loving yourself and building confidence.
Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in times of struggle. This means being mindful of your own emotions, acknowledging your own worth, and recognizing that imperfection is a shared human experience.
Self-forgiveness is equally important. It involves freeing yourself from the burden of self-blame and guilt, and allowing yourself to move forward from past mistakes.
Forgiving yourself is an act of self-acceptance that empowers you to learn from and grow from your experiences.
Both practices contribute to a more positive and nurturing relationship with yourself, which can enhance self-esteem and confidence. They serve as a form of emotional self-care and can help you develop resilience in the face of challenges.
Remember, learning to treat yourself with kindness and forgiveness is a powerful way to cultivate a sense of self-worth and confidence.
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10. Express Gratitude and Appreciate the Positive
Expressing gratitude and appreciating the positive aspects of your life are powerful ways to love yourself and build confidence.
Practicing gratitude can help shift your focus from what may be lacking in your life to what you already have. It fosters a sense of abundance and contentment, which can contribute to a more positive outlook on life. By acknowledging and appreciating the good things in your life, you can build a stronger sense of self-worth and cultivate a more optimistic mindset.
Moreover, recognizing and appreciating your own strengths, accomplishments, and positive qualities can help boost your confidence. Celebrating your successes, no matter how big or small, can contribute to a more positive self-image and bolster your self-esteem.
Incorporating regular gratitude practices and taking time to acknowledge your own positive attributes can be transformative for fostering self-love and confidence. It’s a way of nurturing a more compassionate and appreciative relationship with yourself.
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Final Thought
Embrace your flaws and imperfections; they make you you! Start your day with a gratitude practice, appreciating something about yourself. Nourish your body with healthy choices and activities that bring you joy. Don’t be afraid to say no, and surround yourself with supportive people. Celebrate every milestone, big or small. This journey of self-love and confidence is yours to own, so enjoy the ride!
References
- In Search of Self-Confidence: False vs. Authentic Confidence by Unbridling Your Brilliance
- The power of self-love in the evolution of leadership and employee engagement January 2013. Problems and Perspectives in Management 11(4):120-132 by Nerisha Maharaj , Kurt April
- Self-love is to break boundaries: Young adults’ views of self-love in Johannesburg – A thematic analysis study September 2022 by Maushmi Patel and Alastair Pipkin
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