Imagine being 50, married with two sons, living a seemingly idyllic life in Littleton, Colorado and having a fulfilling career helping those in need. Then, in an instant, your world shatters in the wake of the tragedy that is Columbine. This was the tragic reality for Sue Klebold in 1999.
Twenty-five years ago, Sue’s perfect life unraveled when her second son, Dylan, along with his friend Eric Harris, committed a horrific act of violence at Columbine High School. They murdered 12 students and a teacher before taking their own lives, leaving a community reeling and the nation in shock. All told, 15 lives were lost (including the perpetrators’), and 24 were left injured in the worst mass shooting at that time.
Days following the murder-suicide, thousands paid their tributes to the victims in multiple events. Sue held a quiet funeral for her son Dylan, with only 15 other family members. She did not just mourn the death of her son; she also grappled with the enormous guilt due to the innocent lives damaged/lost caused by her son’s horrific actions.
It would be hard to imagine being in her shoes in the aftermath of the tragedy: she had questions about what could have gone wrong with Dylan. She was questioned by authorities on her and her husband’s accountability. She also asked herself where she failed as a mother amid the unrelenting global news coverage of the massacre. The guilt, the relentless media scrutiny, and the societal scorn—it was a maelstrom of emotions no parent should have to endure.
Advised by their lawyers to stay out of the public eye for five years, Sue and her husband retreated from the social scene and lived a relatively quiet life. That didn’t mean indifference — the Klebolds, just like the victims’ relatives, were also suffering.
Grief could manifest in many ways, and for Sue, it took the form of breast cancer two years after the tragedy, and she subsequently suffered from panic attacks.
The cataclysmic and conflicting emotions first hit her stratosphere when her husband advised her that Dylan was identified as one of the perpetrators of the then-ongoing mass shooting in his school. Sue said, “I remember thinking, if Dylan is hurting people, I prayed that he would die. Don’t let him hurt anybody.” Her prayers were answered by Dylan himself at 12:08 on April 20, 1999 when he committed suicide with Eric Harris after the mass shooting.
Sue chose to stay in the same community after the incident, surrounded by her support system, including her friends and work colleagues. She admits that what Dylan did had changed her life profoundly.
Dylan’s actions cast a long shadow. The tragedy fractured her 43-year marriage in 2015, leaving her and her ex-husband dealing with the burden in different ways. Said she: “There was nothing we had in common. Except for the shared tragedy. But we didn’t feel the same way about it or process it the same way.”
In 2016, defying the advice of her ex-husband and another son Byron, Sue published the book “A Mother’s Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy”. She accepted interviews, including the one with Diane Sawyer of ABC News, which could be watched on Youtube.
In her interviews and talks, she made painful admissions, including her failure as a parent or mother, her fears of being confronted by the victims’ relatives and her dread of being asked by members of the public how she could not have known what was going on with her son.
These days, Sue is channeling her pains and experiences to a new purpose in life: raising awareness about depression and suicide. She is no longer quiet about the fact that she is Dylan’s mother, and she does not hesitate to talk about what she could have done to prevent the Columbine tragedy.
She closed one of her talks with this message: “Here’s something I’ve learned. If love were enough to stop someone who is suicidal from hurting themselves, suicides would hardly ever happen. But love is not enough. The tragic fact is that even the most vigilant and responsible of us may be unable to help. But for love’s sake, we must never stop trying to know the unknowable.”
A mother’s love knows no boundaries, but Sue’s story is a stark reminder that tragedy can strike anyone. Love is essential, but vigilance and open communication are equally crucial.
