Advice
To make a long story short, when I was in my early teens I considered myself to be a trans man, though I suspected that I was more of a demi-boy or gender fluid. But, I went by a masculine name, wore masculine clothes and went by he/him when I could get away with it.
Not going to talk much about this, but my parents weren't overly accepting without being overtly hostile, if that makes sense? Lots of little comments that weighed on me. I didn't have a lot of support back then, so after a few years I just kinda broke and went back to being a girl. I never got to physically transition, but I figured I wouldn't mind even if I had got to. I tried really hard to embrace being a girl for several years.
Fast forward several years, I made some great friends, got better counselling, have a wonderful girlfriend etc leading me to come out as non-binary. I find myself often longing for my early teen years, as shitty as they were in general. I felt pretty confident at that time and passed a lot. There were a few inbetween periods where I was more masculine and I really miss it. But I worry that I just am nostalgic for the past and am not really trans in anyway. Lots of people miss when they were young, maybe that's just it? Being trans in my situation would make my life much more difficult, even if I feel completely disconnected from myself all the time.
I don't really try to present masculine, as skirt and dresses are quicker and more comfortable physically. I have a really hard time finding comfortable pants, due to my ever-evolving sensory issues. Plus, I still live my parents and while I doubt they'd care, I still worry about them getting suspicious.
My question is, has anyone else ever struggled with these concerns?
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