Chapter Text
Sasha: September of 1944: Konstanin’s house
OH DEAR, cold… cold, I have to remind myself of the cold or else I might grow too numb and die… I see the light, the warmth. It’s a cabin. Someone is inside, writing.
“Hello?”
As I knock on the door, icicles fall. One stabs into my foot.
I cry out, I think… I don’t hear myself yell.
Then the door opens.
———
Konstantin: September of 1944: Konatantin’s house
AT MY DOOR STANDS A WOMEN, freezing cold. She only has on a fur coat.
“Eh?” I stare at her. “Busy, why you here?”
“It’s cold, please, may I come in?”
“Eh?”
“Inside?”
“Eh…”
“Please?”
“No.”
I slam the door shut.
———
Sasha: September of 1944: Konatantin’s house
HE SLAMMED THE DOOR? REALLY, ON A POOR WOMEN LIKE ME? REALLY, REALLY?
I kick at the door, “HEY! OPEN UP!” I shout.
He opens the door. “Yesh?”
“LET ME IN!”
“Eh?”
“INSIDE!”
“Eh…”
“COME ON!”
“No.”
He slams the door shut, AGAIN.
I bang on the door.
“LET. ME. IN.”
———
Konstantin: September of 1944: Konatantin’s house
“UGH, I say no.” I say, opening the door.
“What's your name?”
“Konstantin.”
“Konstantin, let me in before I break this door down.”
“Ehhhh…”
“Close the door again, I will burn this cabin down and warm up by the bonfire that will be your home.”
“Ugh. Why?”
“...It’s freezing.”
“Eh… why you no in home, eh? Homeless? No my problem, you leave, yes. I busy, I write, you bother me, my work go slower, I close door, you leave, me happy and write, yes? Yes!”
The angry lady shoves past me and lets herself in.
———
Malachi: September of 1944: Plaszow Camp
CALEB IS GOING TO BE THE REASON SOMEONE DIES, he keeps slacking and insulting the Nazis.
If any Nazi hears him he’s dead, and I bet the Nazis might just kill me too because Caleb is always around me.
Ludwig is the scariest of any officer, kapo, or just any Nazi. Ludwig doesn’t use guns to kill us, he’ll choke you to death with his bare hands.
He looks really scary, a piece of his jaw is missing so you can see his teeth.
He looks really intimidating, he’s much taller than the rest of the Nazis.
But he can be nice, like one day he’ll kill Jews that do something wrong instead of killing for no reason.
The two you really have to not act up around is Ludwig and Eckhart. But Eckhart is blind in one eye, so he doesn’t see as much as Ludwig.
Ludwig must have cameras or something.
Because somehow he always knows who's not doing what they should.
———
Ezra: September of 1944: ???
MY CHEST HURTS, we've been running forever. A bomb from the Allies dropped nearby and it made the Earth shake, it even set a tingle up my spine and I got a bit dizzy.
We’re not running from the Allies, we’re running from the Nazis. As the Allies come closer, the Nazis flee away, marching or carrying their prisoners on train with them.
I was never on any marches. Billy says he once marched prisoners over to a sister camp or something, he mentioned that a lot of prisoners died. A lot. He was supposed to shoot anyone who fell behind. He says he didn’t and he didn’t need to. The Nazis were always excited and ready to kill a Jew.
———
Konstantin: September of 1944: Konstantin’s house
“YOU BRING TROUBLE! YES, bad, you go!”
The angry lady nods her head. “I’m gentile, I won’t get you killed.”
“So? Not just Jews get taken away.” I snap.
“Look, I just need shelter to warm up.”
“Are you a Jehovah?”
The angry lady stares at me. “Tis, I am no Jew, Jehovah, homo, Gypsy, disabled, I am clean.”
“Eh…”
“I just need to warm up, I can’t die yet.”
“Eh, you, so pushy. Annoy me, ugh.” I huff.
“I’ll keep arguing and pushing till you give.”
I toss a crinkled paper at the angry lady and hit her on the head. “I am Konstantin”
The angry lady throws the paper back at me. “Sasha.” She huffs.
Sasha stays at my cabin with me for a while after that. In return, I get to poke fun at her. She is good sport, most of the time…
———
Sasha: September of 1944: Konstantin’s house
I AM SORRY, not sorry. My lies will keep me alive. Besides, I’m not wearing a purple triangle anymore. Konstantin will never know of my beliefs if I keep my mouth shut for once. I am aware it was rude to raise my voice, to let myself inside, but I do not wish to die. If I am to die, I do not wish to die to the elements. The snow will bury my body and the Earth will consume me, leaving no remains. Nothing for the people who know my name to grief.
Konstantin is a bit annoying, he’ll poke fun at me, but he gives me shelter if I play nice.
So, I sit. And I play nice, most of the time…
———
Malachi: September of 1944: Plaszow Camp
I WONDER WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT, are they really must people? Like me? If so, then why would the Nazis do such a horrible thing?
Is it money?
What about the kapos?
What did they do to be kapos?
Why do they get to be in charge of other prisoners when they are prisoners themselves?
I've been thinking… not like I have much to do anyway, but I wonder, what exactly did we do? Why do so many people hate us? All I have done is follow Jewish faith, and for that I get whipped and starved and tormented and I work,
work,
work,
work.
I work until my death.
Work is my only use. When I can’t work, I die.
Sick? Killed.
Work too little? Killed.
Hide? Killed.
Tired? Killed.
Fight back? Killed.
Do nothing? Killed.
You must be nothing to live, but not so much nothing that when the Nazis get mad they shoot you because you because how nothing you are.
I do my best to survive and work.
Even if everything burns, aches, bleeds. I work.
I am no use if I stop working.
Caleb got tired one day, and didn't want to work.
The only face I could recognize died before me. I watched as Eckhart's gun fired, blowing holes into Caleb’s face. Ludwig chuckled and when Eckhart was done, he crushed Caleb’s skull under his foot.
I didn’t react to Caleb’s death. I wanted to, but then I would stand out.
Stand out? Killed.
———
Ezra: September of 1944: Krakow
I AM NO ANIMAL, but, in the end, humans will always be cruel creatures.
“Sorry,” Billy says as we walk. We’ve been walking through different villages, trying to find someone willing to take us in. Or mainly me. Billy is dressed as a Nazi, no one will say no to him. They will fear him.
“I don’t know what you are sorry for, but I do not accept apologies.” I say, knocking on a door.
“I-”
Billy is cut short when the door swings open.
“...” The woman at the door doesn’t even look at me. She’s staring at Billy.
“Hi!” Billy waves.
“Wah? Bil- ugh.” Why wave and act innocent? Billy, he’s so weird at times. “We need a place to stay.” I say to the woman at the door.
“Uhm, well-” The woman sputters. “I would uh- I would have to ask my husband…”
“Then ask.” I snap at her, but Billy speaks on top of me.
“You don’t have to.” Billy puts his hand on my shoulder. He’s lucky I don’t break his hand.
The woman calls out for a man named “Bazyli”.
“Maja? What’s go- oh,” Bazyli stops in his tracks when he sees Billy.
“Hi…” Billy waves, again.
“These two… gentlemen, wanted to know if they could stay here… for a while…” Maja (the woman at the door) says.
“...well, I don’t know, I mean, what about Lena?” Bazyli and Maja keep staring at Billy because I’m just nonexistent I guess.
“Who?” Billy asks.
“Lena, our daughter, she’s only about seven.” Bazyli says, stepping in front of Maja protectively. “Why exactly do you need to stay with us?”
“Oh, we were at my house, hidden away in the forest, but because the Allies are getting closer all the Nazis started to flee towards us and if they know about what I’ve been doing or about how Ezra is Jewish we-”
“You're a Nazi helping a Jew?” Maja cuts Billy off.
“No-”
“You sure?” Bazyli looks Billy up and down. “The outfit says otherwise…”
“I use being in the Nazi army as a way to bring down-”
“Nazis hate Jews. isn’t that your whole thing?” Maja asks.
“I’m not-”
“Really?” Bazyli points at Billy.
“I KNOW WHAT I AM.” Billy shouts at Bazyli, pushing past me and getting in Bazyli’s face. “I am NOT a Nazi. Now, just yes or no, can we stay with you?” Billy looks like he’s going to pop a blood vessel.
“Uh-huh…” Bazyli nods, he looks terrified.
———
Billy: September of 1944: Bazyli’s and Maja’s house
DO I REGRET YELLING?, not at all, mainly because it got us a place to stay. But, because hiding a Jew is dangerous, Bazyli and Maja want my presence to be known. “No Jew could never be hidden in the same home where a Nazi is also living there” is what Maja said. And clearly, she was right. Because when Konrad, a Nazi soldier that used to work in a Transit camp near Bergen-Belsen, came knocking on the door, he seemed amused to see me.
“Billy?” Konrad asked. I have noticed my name is easy to remember, mainly because as Ezra has said: “who names their kid Billy? No one looks at their kid and goes “OH THATS A BILLY RIGHT THERE!” Like- no.”. And I must agree to a degree, that Billy is a silly name, but I like it. I think it suits me.
“Katze?” Katze is German for cat, people, including myself, sometimes call Konrad “Katze”.
“Billy, Was machst du hier? I thought you were back at Bergen-Belsen or Auschwitz, what brought you here?” Konrad asks, he’s got a smile on his face. He’s happy to see me, but I’m not happy to see him. I bet he’s killed at least over a hundred innocent Jews. He does have mercy, but only if you're not Jewish. He’s nicer to the Jehovahs or Gypsies or homosexuals or disabled just as long as you're not Jewish.
“I was back at a small cottage I had in the woods, I got a message from a friend that they heard Jews might be hiding there, and there was, so I had shot every last one, but during all that the Allies were coming closer so I came here, and I’m now stay with these nice people.” I’m obviously lying. The only Jew at my cottage was Ezra, and I dragged him there against his will because I wanted to help him.
“Ah, I am here because I got a report that someone down this street is hiding a Jew.” Konrad nods in approval.
“Well, I can assure you, I looked this place up and down when I first got here, and it’s clear. Besides, sheltering a Jew and a Nazi? You're asking for it.”
Konrad laughs, “ja! Oh, wie lustig… I should get going. Tschüss!” Konrad nods once more and leaves.
I close the door and I jump, right behind me is Lena, Maja and Bazyli’s daughter.
“Jah weee us tig.” Lena mutters.
“...uh, what.” I stare down at her.
“Shush!” Lena nods.
“Shush?” I repeat.
“Ja!”
“Yes?” I’m not sure what this little polish girl wants from me.
“Ja weee uswig.”
“Ja, wie lustig.” I correct her. “But it’s close enough…” I walk around the little bugger. I wonder where Ezra went, also- where is that child’s parents?
———
Ezra: September of 1944: Bazyli’s and Maja’s house
I AM BRAVE, strong, whatever. But I am also Jewish. So, when a Nazi comes knocking on the door, I’m not going to just sit around. What if they see me? So… I hid in the closet. It didn’t take long for Billy to find me, but I wanted to stay for a bit longer, incause “Katze” came back. But Billy dragged me out anyway. Does “No” mean nothing to him?
I did try and fight back, but it’s not like I would ever win a fight against Billy. Billy just gently grabbed both my wrists with one hand and brought me out to the kitchen. Billy isn’t skinny, he’s much more muscular than you might think. He’s mentioned before he had huge scars on his back and his hands are really tough from all the calluses he has. He also showed me these claw-like marks on him that when he got from a prisoner in the Auschwitz camp had grown their nails out and then jumped at Billy, digging their nails into his skin so much it left a scar. Upsettingly, the moment the prisoner jumped on Billy a SS officer immediately shot the prisoner. Billy said “it hurt more because he was right on top of me and so I got hit in the shoulder with the bullet.” so he showed me where he was shot. At that point I didn’t care. But Billy would not shut up.
———
Malachi: September of 1944: Plaszow Camp
I COUNTED, and that boy did not get hit thirty times. It was more like sixty, maybe seventy.
Ludwig did that on purpose I bet, finding anyway possible to hurt him more.
Ludwig must be a sadist, how else can you make a poor boy cry and beg like that and not show a spot of remorse?
It was like the crying fueled Ludwig with more satisfaction.
I could feel myself flitch and every loud crack as the boy’s bone broke.
As you would guess, the boy died. When he stopped crying and went silent Ludwig laughed because he saw he was dead.
I noticed one prisoner, a Jew like me, he’s been getting more food.
Maybe he has money?
Maybe he will share?
Maybe if I ask?
Or maybe the grumbling stomach will eat itself first, and maybe I’ll die.
I’m growing weak, that means my worth is dying.
I can’t die…
If I die, then I worked and slaved away for nothing.
If I die, then no one will know me.
I hate this.
———
Malachi: September of 1944: Plaszow Camp
I DIDN’T KNOW THE MAN’S NAME, but it didn’t matter.
“Hey,” I surprised myself. I have never talked in one of the camps until now. It takes me a moment to even recognize my own voice, my dry, shaky voice.
“Mmm?” The man turns to me, shoving the cold water that's supposed to be soup into his mouth, not even savoring the “meal”.
“Look, I- I really need more food.” I claw at my arm, my nails digging into my own skin.
“Mhm?” He nods. His sharp green eyes on me, I don’t ever recall seeing him blink.
“I noticed you’ve had more food…”
“Mmmm…” He puts the empty bowl down. “Yes, I steal from the others.”
“Uh, yeah, well, I don’t care where you get it, as long as if… maybe, you're willing to share?”
“What do I get?”
“What do you want?”
“Out. Out of the camp, even for a second.”
“I don’t know how to do that…”
“I remember you from Belzec, you and some other guy slipped away and escaped, it caused a huge mix up, I was able to leave but I was caught and brought to another camp and now I’m here at Plaszow.”
“Err… that was not me, there was a spy who helped me and Ezra escape.” I claw at my neck. I feel like it’s slightly my fault that the spy died that day, he only helped a few Jews and only Ezra actually got away, unless he died. Then that spy was punished for what? A breath of freedom?
“Hmm…” The man nods, “who was the spy?”
“Some guy named-”
“We'll figure it out.”
“Uh-” I scratch at my face. “Extra food?”
“Right, want my bread?” The man doesn’t even fully hand me the bread, I snatch it up.
“Malachi.” I say, nibbling at the bread.
“Eitan.”
———
Ezra: September of 1944: Bazyli’s and Maja’s house
I CARE, but I’m also too tired to care. I haven’t slept on an actual bed in a long time. I stare up at Billy. It’s dark out and this room has no widows so I only see Billy as this dark figure.
He’s staring at the door, waiting to see if anyone enters.
———
Billy: September of 1944: Bazyli’s and Maja’s house
I’M WORRIED, not just because Ezra and I will be killed if anyone finds out I've been helping Ezra, but now Maja, Bazyli, and Lena will all die if anyone knows that they are keeping Ezra in their home, in a spare room.
I will have to leave soon. I got a message where I was told to go to Auschwitz, apparently a guard had died there so I was going to be the replacement. If I don’t go, more suspicion will be raised. I have been busy helping Ezra. I pushed away my job, and my cover doing so.
I’m worried Maja and Bazyli might not do well at hiding Ezra, especially that they have a kid. What if Lena goes off and tells someone?
If Ezra is found, killed, under Maja and Bazyli’s roof, I will kill them.
“Mr. Nazi?” Asks Maja, opening the door.
“Billy, not a Nazi.” I correct, squeezing the gun in my hands.
“Right, uh, so.. What do we do about your little Jewish friend when you're gone?” Maja asks.
“You keep him safe. A on jest ranny, zabiję cię.” I snapped at Maja in Polish. I mostly speak German or English, but I know some Polish, and her first language is Polish, so she should hear me clearly for once.
And she did hear me. “Tak jest,” she muttered .