This subreddit is dedicated to those of us who are writing in the fantasy genre.
Question
My MC is the son of a deceased king who was overthrown by his best friend who shortly thereafter ascended the throne. He's spent his entire reign trying to hunt down my MC because he's the only living relative of the former king and could realistically challenge his claim to the throne. (The current king was previously the head advisor, so if my MC had died along with his father, he would have most likely filled the role as the new king, or at least tried to make a claim for it.) In order for him to even have the resources to overthrow the previous king, the villain made an alliance via marriage with a rich family in the kingdom's colony, put their daughter/his wife as the queen/ruler of the colony, and used their resources to overthrow the king. He would later have a two daughters with his wife, one of which is the same age as the MC and his LI.
So the LI has spent her entire life in the colony as their effective princess and knowledge that she is the king's daughter is top secret. One day, my MC is traveling through the colony and meets the princess and she decides to join them as a spy for her father so that he can learn where the rebels' main base is and take them down. However, she ends up falling in love with the MC and decides to betray her father to help him. My problem is when exactly is she going to tell the MC all of this? I had two ideas in mind.
-
While they are traveling on the road, the princess decides she doesn't want to be a spy anymore and that she wants to genuinely join the rebels. However, because they are traveling, she decides that it would be best to wait until they get back to the main base so that way he has time to sit down and properly take in all of the new information. But before they can get back, she is captured by scouts for the king and while she tells the MC not to save her, he goes to the prison anyway to rescue her where the truth gets revealed to him that this was all a trap. He gets thrown in prison and awaits his execution date, but the princess manages to break him free moments before he's supposed to die.
-
The set up is the same as before, but this time, the princess decides to tell the MC immediately that she is the king's daughter and has been a spy this whole time. He gets upset and runs off into the forest alone. She follows him and while they are alone, the scouts come and capture them both. Again, he's awaiting his execution, but during the few days that they have, instead of going over everything just mentioned, the princess spends that time searching for a key or some other discreet way of saving her boyfriend. It doesn't work and she ends up having to brute force their way to freedom.
I like option 1 because it feels more dramatic and suspenseful. The MC risks his life to break into a prison to free his gf only to find out that everything has been a lie and he spends what he thinks are his last few days mourning their relationship and the person he thought he knew. However, it also relies heavily on the miscommunication trope, where instead of telling the MC this very crucial information, the princess waits for a seemingly arbitrary reason.
Sort by:
Best
Open comment sort options
Best
Top
New
Controversial
Old
Q&A
I think there is a deeper problem. LI falling in love and decides to betray her father? That’s not the person I would be too sympathetic. So her father should be a real piece of work( the easy way but overused) or she would, instead find a way to fix this somehow. Find out that MC doesnt care about throne? Or may be marriage can fix things. Confront her father and say that he was wrong about MC. I mean make her struggle a bit. That will make her conflict stronger. And if she is not planning to betray father and stick to family bonds that will make MC’s conflict stronger.
There's also the fact that she has been sheltered her whole life and has no idea about the condition her people are living in or about the atrocities her father has committed. He's committed genocide, burned villages to the ground, and enslaved people, however, she was unaware of any of this and has been living a life of bliss until she "runs away" to join the MC and spy on him. In case you're wondering why her father would ever allow her to leave in the first place, he originally doesn't. She has to convince him to let her go because she wants to explore a little, and even then, he is very unsure and frequently checks in on her.
The father has tried to kill the MC on numerous occasions and has a twisted sort of possessive love for his daughter, so she knows that even suggesting a marriage is out of the question. When he eventually does find out that the princess is dating the MC, he becomes furious and tries to kill him in a fit of rage. The princess also doesn't want to reveal she is dating the MC to her father for this very reason. He would most likely kill him in a fit of rage and possibly hurt her.
I agree with other commenter then. First one is a lack of communication, and a reason for this is pretty weak. I would chose second option
Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it
You welcome brother! But may I suggest a third option?
I assume that LI is not a damsel or pushover, right? I mean she chose to join rebels of all things. So she must be pretty confident in herself. So say they are on a raid to save nearby village from kings man. During this LI sees the crazy shit king doing with a people and this opens her eyes. So on way back she’s silent. MC try to chat her up but she brooding. Halfway home she makes a decision, drags MC by collar to the side of the roas and they have a talk. She says: look. I have to tell you something but don’t freak out. I’m princess Li and I’ve been spying on you this hole time. MC like : What??? And she’s : shutup. Focus. We will talk about this later but now you can’t go back to the camp. Kings man know about it and they going to capture you. ( side note. Why they capturing him again? Didn’t the king want him dead) Aniways, MC remembers suddenly that his friend/brother/mother or whatever who cares is is in a camp. He’s like: Fuuuuck He jumps on a horse or whatever they ride and rushes to the camp. There he is captured and princess gets help from other rebels and sneaks them in a castle using sneaky ways she used when she was a kid.
IMO it would be better to use plot 2and adding little more depth to the scenario of how they get captured - for instance, the princess trying her all to ensure they are not captured and MC who was still trying to process everything she said realising that she is on his side.
Plot 1 is no doubt more dramatic, but I think miscommunication trope is too common now. Adding more depth to Plot 2 can make it equally effective.
Thanks for the input! I appreciate it. Although, I think it's worth noting that the audience knows for a long while that the princess is a spy. About half way through, it's revealed she's been sending messages back to her father about almost everything. The moment when she tells the MC that she's a spy is meant to be dramatic irony where he risks his life trying to save her from what he thinks is certain doom, only to find out it was a trap and has to grapple with this information as his death approaches. Do you think that could still work with plot 2?
I can't give you a good advice. But a trivial idea.
What if the princess was trying to tell the prince on the entire road travel but she was constantly interrupted?
I don't know how they're traveling. If they're on a cart, maybe the cart wheel breaks when she was just about to explain. Or one of the rebels noticed the scouts or knights so that they have to get ready for a fight or an escape, preventing her from telling the truth.
Maybe this is a bit cliché?
Thanks for the idea, but to be honest, I never liked this cliche. It's funny the first couple of times, but then just drags on for way too long, especially when it comes to important information.
I think, the princess just staying quiet the whole time sounds strange too.
It's meant to be where she feels conflicted about betraying her family and is worried that she's letting her feelings get the best of her and override her logic. She's also afraid that if she decides to side with the MC and they fail, she will suffer greatly and be remembered by history as the woman who gave up everything for a man and died because of it. Also, she slowly starts finding out about her father's atrocities, which adds another layer of conflict and makes her question everything she ever knew.
Sounds great. You're gonna need lots of chapter for the princess' development. From being a secret spy, slowly falling in love with the enemy prince, becoming conflicted with her own plans and feelings. That's a lot to write before the action even happens. Good luck mate.
during the first preparations for the coup d'état, when the question of legitimacy comes up.
MC might have somewhat of a claim to the throne, but LI definitely has one - if you eliminate the other sister. LI brings it up because of course it's the perfect solution, rest of the lieutenants go something like "hmm yes splendid very good." but MC has a broken trust moment, LI has to explain how she is ashamed of her lineage and that she wants to make things right, "how could you keep this from me?" "because I didn't want to be the evil princess", if MC also has a point of shame he might relate and stop throwing a tantrum.
The LI is the older sister of the two, so she would be first in line if her father had successfully killed the MC. Funnily enough, she does end up as the queen of the kingdom since she marries the MC, albeit her ascension to the throne does come with quite a bit of controversy. As for the colony, they end up gaining their independence and become their own kingdom, with power going to the lineage of the previous royal family. The ones that were in charge before the LI's mother was installed as queen.
oooh now that is interesting. younger sister now has a legitimate reason to go kill her older traitor sister, because not only will she be doing the country a service (such a brave young soul), she'll also gain something from it. "flame of ambition" and all that.
I actually have considered this as a plot for a sequel series if I were to do one. The younger sister eventually grows up and is mad at her older sister for killing their father, imprisoning their mother, and essentially ruining her life, at least in her eyes. She'd then go on to kill (or, at the very least, imprison her traitorous sister and her now-husband, the MC. She'd then take over the kingdom, something she feels she was robbed of originally.