Cindy Crawford says she and her two sisters suffered severe survivor guilt following the death of their brother Jeffrey of leukemia at the age of three in 1975.
The supermodel, 58, got candid about the family tragedy with Kelly Corrigan and Christy Turlington Burns on the podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders: About Your Mother Saturday.
Crawford said she felt her parents John Crawford and Jennifer Sue Crawford-Moluf had hoped to welcome a boy after having three daughters.
‘I am not sure they definitely wanted four kids, but they wanted a boy,’ the catwalk icon said on the podcast. ‘My dad wanted a boy, so the fourth was the boy.’
The Illinois native said that ‘it was so weird for years’ as she and her sisters dealt with the fallout of the family tragedy.
Cindy Crawford, 58, says she and her two sisters suffered severe survivor guilt following the death of their brother Jeffrey of leukemia. Pictured April 12 in LA
Crawford was pictured with her late younger brother, who tragically died at the age of three
‘I think that there was a lot of guilt,’ Crawford said. ‘There’s that survivor guilt of the other kids, especially because we knew that my dad really wanted a boy, and we felt like, well, it should have been one of us.’
Crawford said that amid her life experience, she feels that American culture is lacking in a dialogue on death and grieving.
‘We don’t talk about death in our culture, and we don’t talk about what you say to someone when they lose someone,’ Crawford said.
She added, ‘A lot of people just kind of ignore it, or they don’t want to bring it up because they don’t want to upset the person. And for me anyway, I don’t feel like that’s inviting an opportunity to cry, laugh, share or whatever.’
Crawford said that in recent years, she’s come to the realization that she didn’t receive the support that would have helped her emotionally through the tragic time.
‘Just recently, I was doing some coaching through COVID, I actually had time to do real work,’ Crawford said. ‘And I realized that one of the questions the coach asked me was something like, “What did you need to hear at that time that you didn’t hear?”
‘And I realized – and my mom wouldn’t have known to say this, she was 26-years-old and had just lost a child – but I needed to hear, “Yes, we’re so sad that Jeff died, but we’re so happy you are here.”‘
Crawford on the podcast spoke about the trying days in the wake of her brother’s death.
The Illinois native said that ‘it was so weird for years’ as she and her sisters dealt with the fallout of the family tragedy
Crawford was pictured in a May 2021 Instagram post alongside her mother Jennifer Crawford, and sisters Chris and Danielle
Crawford was seen earlier this year alongside her mother and sisters
‘I remember when I went back to school after my brother died, not one person said one thing to me, no kidding, except for one kid who was like, “I saw in the paper your brother’s dead – is that true?”‘ she said. ‘I was like, “Whoa.” It was so in your face, but he didn’t know what to say. We were in third grade.’
She said that it’s important to provide ‘modeling for our children, those skills of not being afraid’ which can open the door to meaningful dialogue.
Crawford, who’s mother to 22-year-old daughter Kaia and 24-year-old son Presley with husband Rande Gerber, 62, said that she’s tried to show extra awareness and sensitivity to the topic when it’s come up with her children.
Said Crawford: ‘My kids have both lost friends, sadly, through car accidents and fentanyl and all the crazy stuff that these young kids are experiencing now.
‘They’re always like, “What do we say?” And I try to give them words.’
Crawford previously opened up about the family tragedy in a 2015 appearance on Oprah’s Master Class.
‘I don’t think that at age 10 that I knew that it was terminal, and I had not had any close experience with death and did not understand death,’ she said. ‘My brother did know.
‘At one point for sure I know, because my mother said she found him sitting in his room. And he was sitting at his little table, and she said, “What are you doing?” And he said, “I’m praying.” And she said, “What are you praying about?” He said, “So that when I die, you’ll be OK.” As a mom now, I can’t imagine hearing your child say that.’
