This is the second time I see the number 666 and hear evil stuff in my head.

Last time I heard Spanish which Google translate revealed to be “god of death” or “devil of death” and then IMMEDIATELY AFTER that I discovered my Reddit karma at the time was 666.

Well today I made a purchase/transaction that turned out to be a total of $6.66, and a few hours later I start hearing “Jesus D-it” in my head. Not GD-it, Jesus D-it.

I’ve also been experiencing A TON of psychological hell, really for years, but it got SUDDENLY MORE SEVERE 7 months ago.

I’m talking vivid nightmares, worse intrusive thoughts, more demonic images in my head (while wide awake) worse and stronger urges to do, evil things. Derealization is pretty much gone, I don’t feel stuck in a dream anymore, but still depersonalization, like I feel like other personalities and moods, evil, sometimes suddenly really positive and optimistic.

Maybe it is God trying to get my attention, maybe it is demonic oppression, and they have tried to possess and control me (which hasn’t actually happened since I was 13, I’m 28 now. I know most people won’t believe this, or just think it was psychosis or something, even though calling out to God literally made it stop. I was literally being controlled against my will. The most vulnerable time for this to be happening is while being asleep (not sleep paralysis, full on up and moving around).

I don’t want to submit to God and commit to celibacy and just submitting to a higher power/beings plan for me, but I literally feel like I’m losing my freewill and self control, I am literally losing control of my mind, like demons have already taking over my mind, and they’ve made more efforts to take control of my body. Praying literally stopped/prevented one of these attempted possessions, but I’ve still never felt God/Jesus Christ/The Holy Spirit’s presence as I’ve felt the evil spirits presence.

The nightmares have been so vivid and clear and realistic, it’s hard to accept them as “just dreams”, especially some of the beings I’ve seen in them.

I used to want to intentionally defy God because I believed that He created me solely to torture me and watch me suffer. Now I’m not so sure.

When I was 13 I literally woke up, and my legs just started running (I was NOT in control of anything, I didn’t even THINK about these things before they happened, it WASN’T ME) and into the wall. Then I ran to my mom and told her something was wrong, and then I started BARKING, and smiling about it (like the supposed demon thought it was funny) and then I screamed in terror, realizing I was being controlled against my will. I even screamed “OH MY GOSH!!!!!” Because I was terrified that saying “OH MY GOD!!!” was blasphemy and would only give the seemingly demon(s) possessing me even more power, and make God less willing to help me, I guess?

I was swinging my arms around, making animal noises, and I felt like I was trapped between a dream and being awake/real life.

I desperately looked up and called out to God “GOD! PLEASE HELP! I CAN’T WAKE UP! PLEASE WAKE ME UP GOD!!!!” Seemingly seconds later, it just stopped. It literally FELT LIKE waking up from a dream, but I was indeed physically awake the entire time.

Weirdly it was like the COMPLETE OPPOSITE of sleep paralysis (something I’ve surprisingly never actually experienced) and I had never experienced anything like that before, it just seemed to happen out of nowhere (I had a lot of stress from school but come on, this seems to be pretty much unheard of, even among people who do actually believe in demonic possession).

My family is Christian and believes in God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit, but they still insist it was my medication at the time causing psychosis and/or panic attacks or something.

But what is happening to me now, if that really was just a medication side effect/adverse reaction???

I just want to be normal. I don’t want to be evil and a psychopath or any of that evil stuff. But my thoughts are so disturbing and twisted and evil.

I’m 28 years old, I should be doing so much better in life, not working as a grocery bagger living with my parents.

I feel like I’m just controlled by greater forces, and my own identity is getting corrupted and warped, it’s hard to even really explain it.

Like my mind is just an unheard of OS (operating system). I recognize some of my own thought processes, but it’s impossible to actually explain and anybody understand it.

Was I just hurt so much I want to hurt others now? What is wrong with me?

Christians, do you think the devil and demons are actually attacking me?

Today when I got the $6.66 total, and later heard “Jesus D-it” in my head, before I even went to my job, I got banned from r/Christian for saying that people might regret remaining celibate indefinitely (or until “God sends them someone”).

Are these all signs? Signs from the enemy? Warnings from God?

What could possibly be wrong with me??? Over medicated possibly cause anything like this? I’ve been on multiple psych drugs for most of my life.

I rely on the health insurance from my crappy job to afford my meds, because I got kicked off my parents when I turned 26 (US law).

I live in a red state, so it’d be quite challenging to get any medical aid if I lost my job and/or my health insurance.

I keep feeling my mood and personality change, what is this????

I can’t control my actions when I’m asleep, that’s when they really attack, and make me wake up screaming as loud and long as I possibly can. It scares the hell out of my family.

If I lived in an apartment my neighbors would probably be calling the police on me a lot, I might even get evicted for the noise disturbances.

Why did God even have to create me in the first place???