Sabrina Carpenter Trolls Leonardo DiCaprio, Lizzo Joins Anti-Israel Mob, NFL Player Meals & Sharks In Alabama
Since I work from home, I need background noise so that I don't go stir-crazy sitting in my office or in my living room.
The news is depressing. TV shows are distracting. And sports don't (usually) start until later in the day.
So I turn on YouTube hiking videos. I know that sounds so weird and dorky, but hear me out: It's just some guy or gal doing minimal talking, showing beautiful scenery and playing nice, relaxing music.
Not only is it great ambient noise while I'm writing, but — as an avid hiker — it also gives me ideas for which trails I want to conquer and what equipment I want to buy. Yesterday, I played a video of a guy hiking Fiery Gizzard in Tennessee (a trail I have a love-hate relationship with). He camped overnight, and he brought a ton of cool, fancy, expensive equipment with him.
But he didn't know how to use any of it. He struggled mightily to set up his tent, realized his sleeping pad didn't fit inside and then accidentally blew all his propane.
I thought, "What kind of moron doesn't test out his equipment before he goes on a three-day hike?"
So all that to say… I hope that's what this guy is doing:
Please watch that clip with the sound on. I can't stop laughing. Best video on the Internet this week.
Anyway, that guy needs a beer. Let's join him. It's Nightcaps time!
Sabrina Carpenter Trolls Leo DiCaprio
There are two things Leonardo DiCaprio loves: Young women and women who are not old.
The 49-year-old actor is famous for dating actresses and models who are half his age (and younger). So when pop star and actress Sabrina Carpenter celebrated her 25th birthday on Saturday, she had to accept the reality that she would never have a shot at the former heartthrob.
Although I'm sure she has plenty of other options.
In a video posted to social media, Sabrina blows out the candles on her birthday cake — which is decorated with a meme making fun of Leo and his affinity for women without a fully developed prefrontal cortex.
It's a close-up selfie of DiCaprio with the caption, "Nooo don’t turn 25 your so sexy aha."
To be fair, DiCaprio was most recently reported to be dating Italian model Vittoria Ceretti, who is exactly 25 years old. Sadly, her days with the Titanic star are probably numbered. Prior to Ceretti, DiCaprio has been linked with Gigi Hadid, Victoria Lamas, Camila Morrone and Nina Agdal.
If you're like me, you might only recognize one of those names. But rest assured they are all very hot and very young.
Of course, Leo isn't the only filthy-rich male celebrity who likes ‘em young. He’s just the easiest to make fun of — mostly because he predictably dumps them once they get old enough to rent a car.
I'm just waiting for the middle-aged Hollywood A-list women to jump on board and start scooping up all the 21-year old men. Actually, I wrote a whole Womansplaining piece on that a couple months ago.
READ: Response To Kristin Cavallari Shows Double Standard In Age-Gap Dating, But Cougars Are Here To Stay
Speaking of, are any of y'all watching MILF Manor? It is an utterly ridiculous show on Max, but if you love train-wreck television, it's a must-see. It's in its second season now, but I suggest starting with Season 1 and working your way through.
MILF Manor is not No. 1 in my trash TV rankings (90 Day Fiancé is the forever GOAT). But man, I find myself belly laughing at every episode.
Lizzo Thanks The Pro-Terrorist Crazies
I'm about to embed a Lizzo Instagram post, but I promise it's a rare one where she's not in a thong. But she is doing something even more grotesque than nearly-naked twerking, if you can believe it.
The popstar hopped on social media Monday to stand in solidarity with the pro-terrorist protesters on college campuses.
She said she wanted "to take a second and give a personal thank-you to all of the activists who have been working tirelessly to help the liberation and the freedom of the people who have been genocided all over the world, specifically Palestine, Sudan and the Congo."
Lizzo went on to offer a "life update" regarding her relatively quiet public image over the last year, saying: "I was in a deep dark depression. I had some mental health crises and episodes over the last nine months, and I was not present."
If you're wondering why she was depressed, it's because a bunch of her employees outed her as a sexual deviant.
Last fall, several of Lizzo’s former dancers accused the singer of sexual harassment in a series of complaints about a toxic work environment. For example, Lizzo's accusers claimed she pushed them to attend a live sex show in Amsterdam's Red Light District, and then pressured them to, um, engage with the performers.
"Between the loss I experienced in my personal life and the state of the world, I had been rendered into an emotional state where I cannot process or handle anything. It was very dark," Lizzo continued on Monday. "I’m not saying this to make excuses, nor do I want sympathy. I just haven’t been able to be transparent with y’all in a long time."
Listen, I am all for mental health. I understand that anxiety and depression can be debilitating for those suffering from them, and human beings deserve grace and support. What I cannot stand, though, is when people use their "mental health conditions" to solicit pity or to justify their garbage behavior.
That's what Lizzo is doing.
It's very akin to a man (or a woman, but let's be real — it's usually men) who get caught cheating and blame it on a "sex addiction." Of course, there's a certain very famous golfer we all know who leaned heavily on this crutch 15 years ago. But we won't name names.
A human male who loves sex?! Unheard of!
Fellas, to find out if you too are suffering from this rare and crippling condition, please consult South Park's highly scientific "Sex Addiction Test."
To Eat Like An NFL Player…
Anyone hungry? You're about to be.
Philadelphia Eagles offensive lineman Jordan Mailata recently revealed his go-to pre-game meal on The Dave Chang Show, and it's enough to feed me for about a week. (Granted, at 6-foot-8 and 374 pounds, he's about three times as big as I am, too.)
The night before a game, Jordan enjoys:
- An entire box of bow-tie pasta with shrimp, rosé sauce, spinach and sun-dried tomatoes — seasoned with garlic, salt/pepper and chili flakes
- A 20 oz. steak
- 3 pieces of garlic bread
- Sprite
Jordan Mailata probably thinking about his next meal.
(Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports)
But of course, those table scraps aren't going to hold him over until game time, so breakfast is important, too,
On the morning of the game, Jordan eats:
- An EIGHT-egg omelette (four eggs, four egg whites) with spinach, mushrooms, cheese and avocado
- Four-to-eight pancakes — depending on the size of the pancake, of course
- Orange juice
On the podcast, he also had a piping hot take: "KFC in Australia is better than any fried chicken here in the States."
ANY fried chicken, Jordan? You've officially spent too much time in Philadelphia. Come on down south to Tennessee, and we'll change your mind real quick.
Jordan's pre-game menu made me laugh, but it certainly didn't surprise me. I worked for an NFL team for a few years, and the amount of food I saw piled onto the plates in the cafeteria (especially for the linemen) could easily feed a small village or Lizzo.
That was mean, but I don't care. She's a terrible person.
You know who I saw put down more food than any lineman, though? You'll never guess, so I'll tell you: wide receiver Kenny Britt. Man is a bottomless pit. Truly impressive.
Another Reason Not To Go To Alabama
As a Tennessee alumna, I'm of the belief that the entire state of Alabama can go to hell.
But if you need any more proof that the best thing about the state is I-65 headed out of it… scientists just found a Great White Shark on an artificial reef in Alabama. It's the first time one has been spotted there in 10 years.
The 8-foot, 15-year-old death fish has the scientific community believing that GWS activity may be higher in the Gulf of Mexico than previously thought.
So, you know, enjoy partying at Flora-Bama this summer.
Speaking of Great Whites, though, pour another drink in honor of Susan Backlinie — the Jaws actress who gave us one of the best and most horrifying opening scenes in cinematic history. She died Saturday at age 77.
Let's watch the iconic moment together.
RIP Susan. You're a legend.
Although not nearly as terrifying as being taken down by a Great White, enjoy this POV from some folks in Japan who pissed off a mama bear while out riding in the woods.
The bear bashed in their windshield, but (fortunately) they were able to get away.
Speaking of bears — Last week, I told y'all that my husband and our friends are planning a big RV/hiking trip to Yellowstone next year.
And being the best readers on the Internet, you came through with great hiking recommendations and some wise advice regarding animal encounters. Even though the trip is still over a year away, I'm STOKED to start planning.
A Nightcaps Readers' Guide To Yellowstone
Chris: If you have the option, I highly recommend visiting Yellowstone in late September. The kids are in school, it’s a little brisk, and you can have a lot more breathing room without the crowds. We went the last week of September a few years ago and it was awesomely quiet. We stood, alone, about 100 feet from Old Faithful.
Indy Daryl: Read that you are headed to Grand Teton for some hiking. One of the most amazing places I have ever been!! Not sure what everyone’s fitness level is, or even if you are planning an overnight backpacking type trip, but can’t recommend trying to get to Hurricane Pass (yellow circle in the bottom of the screen shot below). Probably a ~20 mile out and back, but absolutely worth it. The other "day hike" would be the cascade canyon loop (larger yellow circle) which I believe is right around 18-19 miles. Both would incredible but super challenging (>4,000 ft elevation gain) and very much worth it.
Grand Teton National Park
(Credit: Indy Daryl)
Mike in WV: You mentioned your affinity for hiking. I just hiked and fished Yellowstone last fall. What a place! The natural world is awesome and fun... but also deserves respect.
I'm sure you have heard of the Tourons of Yellowstone Insta account. A laundry list of idiot tourists making bad decisions, one after another and paying the piper. I love this... and need more of it...check it out. If you haven't seen it do yourself a solid and enjoy some of the antics of the tourist morons and laugh at their folly.
I had my own interactions with a viable touron on my trip. I'm a talker and engaged a lady at the Grand Prismatic Spring. It was all fun and good convo until she said, "I almost touched a buffalo."
I proceeded to tell her how that wasn't a good decision and was dangerous. These are wild animals, people... that are large and powerful and will hurt or kill you. Use common sense!
Her response to me, one for the ages! She said, "Ohh when it was close (within arms reach), I froze and didn't look it in the eye." Solid touron... letting a 1500-lb rutting Buffalo get in your bubble is moronic.... not staring it down is real dual survival stuff.
Now to the real reason for my email... places to hike. I recommend Trout Lake... a very nice secluded lake to fish and hike. Abundant with wildlife and totally encompasses the Yellowstone experience. It's in the Lamar Valley, and we saw buffalo in their natural habitat abundantly near this lake. I fished for west slope cutthroat and had a ball here. Definitely worth it.
I'll attach a pic of the tree I saw coming at me on the trail. I def recommend bear spray as this area is frequented by bears. But they are part of the scene, and you must just use sense and your senses to avoid a mishap. We navigated this, and you can as well. Not that hard... but remember we are choosing to enter a wild environment... it has risks and rewards. Use your head and the rewards will far outweigh the risks.
I'm gonna make like a tree and LEAF this area.
(Credit: Mike in WV)
(Credit: Mike in WV)
Amber:
I'd be running so fast in the other direction if I saw that tree. I do hope to see some bears while we're out there — but only from a safe distance.
If we do accidentally get close to a bear on a hiking trail, I hope it's this one.
Chris Says Don’t Bend The Knee To St. Louis
Last week, I angered some St. Louis Battlehawks fans when I said they're only into the UFL because they miss the (NFL) Rams so much. I tried to clarify in Nightcaps that I was mostly taking a shot at the Rams' shady ownership for taking football away from St. Louis — not dissing the fans themselves.
But, on second thought, never mind. I regret nothing.
Chris writes:
Hi, Amber — You’re very good at this, but there’s something you need to learn: never, ever, for any reason, apologize to St. Louis and its sad, immobile denizens. St. Louis is the place for which "shithole" (one word) was coined.
Amber:
I know Chris did not mean that email to be read literally, but the nerd in me had to Google where the word "shithole" originated.
According the the Oxford English Dictionary: "The earliest known use of the noun shithole is in the early 1600s. OED's earliest evidence for shithole is from before 1629, in the writing of J. Lilliat."
Then, nearly 200 years later, Lewis and Clark came through St. Louis and said, "Damn, what a shithole."
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.
Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.