This is a judgement-free zone to provide tips, ask questions, and share success stories about sleep-training your little ones. Whether you want to "cry it out" or you want to try a "no-cry sleep solution" (or anything in between), you're welcome here! [Note: We are not medical professionals. You should always consult your pediatrician before beginning a sleep-training program with your child.]
6 - 12 months
My 7-month-old's naps have gone to hell. Looking back, I think she's always been an odd sleeper and I didn't realize it! Do I accept that my baby goes against all the things "they" say? Does she just not need as much day sleep? Should I cut her nights? Are her new skills throwing her off? Normal regression lasting a month? Did I ruin everything by feeding to sleep? Chronically overtired? Separation anxiety? HELP!
CONTEXT: Little girl's always been very alert, curious, and active, with early physical milestones and moving straight on to the next one. She reached at 1 month, head control at 2 months, rolled consistently at 4 months, crawled at 5.5 months, sat unassisted at 6 months, pulled up 6.5 months. Just a ball of energy, NEVER stops moving for a second unless she's unconscious.
0-2 mo: Born at 38 weeks, struggled to gain weight and some jaundice, so we set alarms to feed every 3 hr. She was extremely sleepy - we always had to wake her up. She literally never woke from sleep crying on her own to be fed, EVER. Gradually stretched to 6 hr overnight (2 night feeds, 12:30am and 6:30am) then woke her up at 9:30am. Mostly contact/carrier naps, worked on sleep in Pack n Play.
3-4 mo: Extremely consistent routine. We started here, and then pushed everything back by 1 hour over this period for our own schedule - 7:00am feed and fell right back asleep for 2-2.5 hr, 10:00am wake her up, 12:00 first nap (~1.5 hr), 3:00 second nap (~1.5hr), 8:30pm bed, 12:30am dream feed. Regression for 2 weeks with some night wake-ups, sort of did Ferber. Started to suck her thumb self-soothe upon transfer (but then she stopped doing this after a couple of months, and never taken a paci).
5 mo: Moved into crib, started sleeping on belly (we sing, shush, rock, and she stirs briefly and rolls over upon transfer, sometimes squawks a little). She stopped falling back asleep from 7-10am and instead did 3 regular naps. Towards the end they started shortening and struggled with the last one, so we dropped to 2 naps early with 3/3/3.5, and think she'd been under-tired because they consolidated! 8am wake up, 11ish AM nap (2-2.5 hr), 3:30ish PM nap (45-90 min), 8:15pm bed, 11 hr sleep w/ a dream feed only. AMAZING.
6 mo: I blame baby's first time away from home for 9 days = everything ruined (but we can't know). Fed to sleep most naps. Squawked a few nights. Then a 5am wakeup - UNHEARD of. Then fought PM nap and needed carrier/contact after 1 hr CIO. Then finally fought AM nap (best/most reliable before). When we returned home, naps only got worse. Dropped the dream feed and nights are 11-12 hours straight. I feel like some separation anxiety has kicked in.
7 mo (now): 11.5-12 hours straight through night still. We were waking her at 7:30am but started letting her wake on own ~8am, curious if she'll want to go even later. She was doing 1 hr AM nap, 15-30 min PM nap. Then it turned into 30 min AM nap, with me extending to 1-1.5 hr. This week, she's only taken ONE nap each day around 12:00-1:00pm, contact/carrier/stroller only, anywhere from 45-90 min - that can't be enough! It also means she's awake for 5+ hr. I look for cues, wind her down, put down after 3.5 hr but she just screams (I let her cry 30 min, then rescue). Feeding to sleep doesn't even work anymore - she just sits or stands up and cries upon transfer.
(MORE CONTEXT: My MIL and husband are extreme night owls. They'd go to bed at 1-2am and wake up at 10am naturally. My MIL has also always said that my husband "didn't nap" as a baby and dropped to 1 nap early and then 0 by like 12 months or something. I know it was different times, and I also just didn't believe her before... hm)
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Q&A
Is she falling asleep independently at bedtime?
What schedule are you aiming for? Wake times, nap times, bedtime?
I've always fed to sleep at bedtime, she does a quick burp and pace the room, and then she's passed out for the night... I guess that's not considered independent? Is that just our mistake here? I'm one of those that feels like feeding to sleep is such a strong natural thing that I was skeptical to read it's a damaging association (...until now, when it's maybe come to bite me in the ass).
Occasionally she's not quite out, she'll CIO for 15-20 min. Since 4 mo regression she puts herself back to sleep fast in MOTN - none most nights, 1 or 2 max recently. She'll cry <4 min and we never go in.
She seems to get tired naturally around 8pm, often regardless of when last nap ended, so that's been bedtime. She'll often get a bit fussy around 7-7:30pm (esp recently), but the times we've put her down earlier, she'll CIO till 8pm or later.
Hoping for 7-8am wakeup, but fine with flex schedule letting her sleep till she wants. When we used to wake her up, she became pretty consistent (not necessary, but nice) but this week she's woken up crying at 5am, 5am, 7am, 7:15am (we woke her), 8:15am (the only day she wasn't crying when she woke), 6:15am.
Based on what I've read, I feel uncomfortable with less than 1.5-2 hours of day sleep, I'm trying to get her to a total of 12-13 hours . Some days this week she's gotten 11ish and that feels like too little. 2 naps or 1 nap, any length wake windows, I will follow whatever her body wants to do - I mostly just want her to nap longer and without me in the crib!
So, what time are naps?
Trying for ~3.5 hr windows (her last consistent ones were ~3 hr, a month ago) but she is struggling to sleep so the one nap per day ended up being more like 4.5-5 hrs awake. Today she woke up early (6:15am) so we did squeeze a second contact nap out of her to make it to bedtime.
I guess ideal schedule (again, don't need - don't mind being flexible) would be 7:30am wake up, 11:00am nap 1 (1-2hr), 4:30pm nap (1-1.5hr), 8pm bedtime
Ok. So....
The schedule you're aiming for is something like 3.5/3.5-4/2. Which is not a recommended schedule. You don't have to stop feeding to sleep if you don't want to, but just know that there will likely come a time when baby will wake frequently in the night needing to go back to sleep in the same way that they fell asleep at the start of the night.
Schedule-wise, most babies at this age start on a 2 nap schedule will wake windows of about 3/3.5/3.5 where the numbers are hours awake and the / is a nap.