How to be a Great Stay-at-Home Husband

Everything you need to know to keep your household running smoothly

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC and Annabelle Reyes

Last Updated: April 2, 2024 Fact Checked

A "house husband" (or stay-at-home husband) is a man who acts as the main caregiver and homemaker of the household. House husbands often take on these domestic responsibilities because their partner works full-time outside the home. If you want to become a better house husband, look no further! We’ve compiled a helpful list of tips to keep your household running smoothly. Keep reading for everything you need to know!

Tips for Being a Great House Husband

Everyone's household is different, so be sure to discuss realistic expectations, and how to meet them, with your partner.
Common house husband tasks include cooking, cleaning, errands, child care, home maintenance, grocery shopping, and laundry.
Figure out which tasks need to be done daily, weekly, monthly, etc. Then, create a schedule to help you stay on top of everything.

1

Divide responsibilities with your partner.

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Clearly define your expectations of each other. The definition of a good house husband varies from family to family, so it’s important to discuss your specific duties and responsibilities with your partner.^{[1]
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- What are the things that need to be done to keep the household running smoothly? Which tasks will you be in charge of completing, and which chores will family members pitch in with?
- Will you be the sole person in charge of cooking dinner, or will you alternate days with your partner, or order takeout sometimes?
- Make sure you and your partner are on the same page about these things to avoid any misunderstandings!^{[2]
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2

Take the job of being a homemaker seriously.

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This means caring for the children, cooking meals, keeping things clean and tidy, taking care of any repairs or maintenance, and using decor to make the space feel home-y. Being a successful house husband will require a lot of time and effort, so it’s important to take it as seriously as you would take any other job!^{[3]
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3

Take pride in your cooking.

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Learn to make yummy, healthy meals for your family. If you’re new to cooking, look for good recipes in cookbooks or online, or check out some instructional cooking videos on Youtube. If you already love to cook, start experimenting with exciting new dishes and flavors. A delicious home-cooked meal is a beautiful expression of love for your family. Plus, they also tend to be healthier and less expensive than takeout!^{[4]
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- Slow-cooker or crock pot recipes are great options if you’re a beginner. This handy appliance can make soups, stews, pasta dishes, veggies, and much more.
  - They’re also fairly low-effort, and they give you the chance to get other chores done while the food cooks!
- Meal prepping can also make things less stressful. This involves preparing a dish (or key elements of a dish, such as grains or proteins) in advance, so all you need to do is heat it up when the time comes.^{[5]
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  - For example, you could cook a large amount of roasted veggies and chicken on a Sunday night to use in various dishes throughout the week.

4

Establish a consistent daily routine.

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Create a schedule for yourself so you can easily juggle your tasks. These tasks include cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, caring for the children, driving them to and from school, and much more. It’s important to plan your days out, so you can stay on top of all of these commitments and avoid getting overwhelmed.^{[6]
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- For example, if you have young children, pick a consistent time for their naps and meals each day. This way, you can plan out the rest of your chores around these times.^{[7]
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- Schedule a weekly grocery shopping trip. It’s much more efficient to get all the items you’ll need for the week in one trip, rather than making several small groceries runs on multiple days.

5

Manage the family’s schedule.

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Keep track of important appointments and events so things run smoothly. From birthdays and anniversaries to sports practices and school obligations, there’s a lot to keep track for your household to run smoothly! As a house husband, it’s your job to stay on top of all these moving parts.
- Write your family’s schedule down in a daily planner, or on a wall calendar. This will help make sure you don’t forget any important obligations!

6

Do everything with love.

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Love is an important ingredient for a successful household. Tell your partner and children that you love them often, and be sure to always treat them with kindness and respect.^{[8]
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- Spend quality time with your kids, whether this be taking them to the park, doing arts and crafts together, or having family dinners every night.
- And, of course, make an effort to go on date nights and spend one-on-one time with your partner to keep your relationship healthy.

7

Find time for self-care.

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To effectively care for your family, you also need to take care of yourself. This means looking after your mental and physical health, finding time to relax and decompress, and pursuing your own individual interests and passions.
- Consider rewarding yourself with small treats throughout the day to help you stay happy, balanced, and motivated.
- For example, you could tell yourself that you’ll make time to watch one episode of T.V. or play a video game for 30 minutes once you’ve finished the morning chores and put the kids down for a nap.
- This quick break is a great way to recharge and reset before jumping into any chores you might need to complete in the afternoon.
EXPERT TIP

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.

Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
Clinical Psychologist

Find purpose as a stay-at-home partner by exploring what interests you. Pursue creative outlets, learning goals, home projects — activities that bring personal joy and satisfaction. Recognize you contribute greatly to managing home life. Use this season to grow through self-discovery and personal pursuits.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How do I maintain a positive mindset as a house husband?

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist
Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Answer

To maintain positivity as a house husband, it's important to cultivate certain habits and attitudes. One effective practice is keeping a gratitude journal, where you jot down things you're thankful for each day. This helps shift your focus towards the positive aspects of your life. Staying present in the moment is also key; mindfulness exercises can help you appreciate the here and now. Regular exercise not only benefits your physical health but also boosts your mood and overall well-being. Engaging in activities that bring you joy and trying new experiences can add excitement to your routine and uplift your spirits. Additionally, finding meaning and purpose in your role as a house husband can contribute to a sense of fulfillment. This might involve taking on projects that align with your values or volunteering your time to help others. Sharing kindness and compassion with those around you, including your family and community, fosters a positive atmosphere. Don't forget to inject humor and fun into your daily life, as laughter is a powerful antidote to stress and negativity. Ultimately, appreciating what you have and embracing a mindset of abundance can lead to a more positive outlook on life.

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My partner and I agreed on me being a househusband. We have a daughter with ADHD and processing learning issues, so it's no walk in the park. Now my partner complains that I have it easy compared to what she does as "career mom". How do I handle this?

Community Answer

Your partner may be feeling overwhelmed at work or with the demands of juggling work and parenting. It's difficult to do this, but if you can put aside your hurt feelings and defensiveness and gently probe to find out what's happening inside her, you might be surprised at how she responds. After you've shown how much you care, let her know (again, gently) that when she makes comments about your job being easy, you feel undervalued and unappreciated.

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Is beating my wife considered being good?

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No; it is classified as domestic violence and is illegal in most countries. Stop immediately.

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Tips

Don’t let jokes about house husbands or stay-at-home-dads get to you.^{[9]
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Research source} The work you’re doing is incredibly important, and you should be proud of it!

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Isolation is a risk to anyone who primarily works in the home, so it’s important to maintain a healthy social life. It may also be helpful to connect with other stay-at-home-dads or house husbands, so you can support each other.^{[10]
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One upside of being a house husband is that you have no boss—you're in charge! This means you can plan your days out and organize your time in the way that best suits you.

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